My ex says he’s gone to mediation but I’ve not been notified

[Geordienurse]

Hi,

my ex has told me he’s gone to mediation. He’s claiming he’s paid £150 to do his first meeting and I’m the barrier as I’ve not attended. His mother is also throwing this in my face as it was me who suggested mediation plain and simply because he was refusing to sit down and talk to me even when given the option of having his mum there if he wanted some support. I said if he wasn’t able to speak to me like an adult then mediation maybe the only option.

now he claims he went to mediation in September and paid for this and I’ve not went but I’ve heard literally nothing. Would I receive a letter or a phone call or something if he had actually went to mediation? I’m getting fed up of his mum accusing me of not putting my daughters needs first because her son went to mediation and I didn’t!

any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

@Geordienurse I'm not trained in the field , but am mid divorce ATM. Here's my thoughts:

The first stage of mediation is called a MIAM meeting, I think it stands for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.

Unlike the rest of mediation the MIAM is attended solo so that each person gets the chance to speak about the situation. The mediator gives advice as to whether they feel mediation is appropriate and makes sure each person understands how mediation works. So each of you would have a separate appointment with the same mediator....

If mediation goes ahead both parties need to attend at the same time (although arrangements can be made to be in separate rooms), again with you both using the same company.

So in your case OP your ex may have attended a MIAM but you would have been invited to attend one too as part of the process. If you didn't receive an invite to organise a MIAM then that is not your fault.

As you can see mediation "proper" can't proceed without both parties first attending the MIAM.

You could call his bluff and say you assume he attended a MIAM, and if he tells you which company he used you will let them know you didn't receive an invite to make an appointment and you'll contact them to ask if you can arrange one.

@Wishitwasstraightforward thank you!! So I found out what mediation he used and I’ve contacted them. They said he attended a session in September so im not at fault as they never got in touch with me to do my first meeting. Very frustrating as I’ve been accused of being a barrier when I haven’t. I explained this to the company id previously applied to them (before this issue) about getting legal aid (I had a feeling it was turning south) and they’ve said that I’d previously contact them and were waiting for me to proceed. I was very confused as I thought well that was x amount of months ago why have you not got back in touch?!

I’d probably reply ‘I’m not psychic you interfering old boot. Piss off and mind your own business’ and never speak to her again. But I’m sure other people will have more considered responses.

@AncientAndModern1 tbh if my little girl comes back upset on Sunday from her grandmas house and I find out she’s been up to her tricks of whispering manipulation into her ear I will be blocking her. Some of the stuff she has said to my little girl insinuating stuff and making her feel guilty. This poor little girl is going through therapy at age 7 for goodness sakes and all this woman can think about is how her poor son misses his kid 🙄

Oh god, ditch her. She’s not your family any more, she’s harming your daughter and you owe her nothing.

So what about if the ex partner lies about receiving an email or phone call when it’s on the mediators records they tried getting in contact??