I'm sure this is a question that has been mulled over a million times but I'm really stuck here.
I moved across the country to move in with my partner in 2019, to say place B. We were both born in place A, where I moved from and all my family - mum, dad, sisters, brother, grandparents live and also my OH sister, her husband, kids and close to his dad. OH and I have 2 small children aged 3 and 1. I have always wanted to move back fo place A, terribly home sick, so sad the children are being bought up so far away from their families who adore them and want to play an active role in their life. We are barely keeping heads above water here, no support network, very expensive. Place B is very affluent, posh, beautiful, great schools - but not really us - we are in normal jobs, renting, no spare money etc.
Anyway - OH and I's relationship is on very thin ice. He says I control, abuse him and gaslight him whereas I think really the opposite is true. He goes into long, stony silences where I'm left walking on egg shells wondering what I've done wrong. During arguments, he's called me a stupid btch, stupid woman, stupid cnt. None of my family and friends from back home like him and are worried about our relationship and me being so far away. We haven't been intimate in nearly 2 years since our son was conceived, I hate undressing infront of him and feel really self conscious. The other night, I was apparently snoring and he Shook me awake violently and told me to shut the F up. Anyway, you get the picture. He is wonderful with rhe kids and a great dad, always making them laugh and playing games. I absolutely cannot fault him as a father. He quite frequently tells me I can't handle looking after them (untrue) and they have a nicer time without me.
So - we've got to the point of nearly moving back to place A so many times and then he pours cold water on it at the last minute. We've gone as far as getting the children into nursery, me securing a job and then he wants to stay because he says place B is the best place for the children to be. We can't separate if we stay here as we can't afford to live separately. He told me he isn't moving across the country just for me to leave him once I'm back with my family. He's also told me I can 'F off' but I cant take the children and he said he would go to court to get an order to prevent me relocating them.
I feel so trapped. It seems the only option is to stay here together because i can't afford to be a single parent here, I am a part time nurse and even a 1 bed flat is nearly my entire salary. I really want to go home with my children and be close to my family but I don't want the kids to not to be able to see their dad lots. I said to him I could have them during the week and would bring them to him every weekend but he doesn't agree. Am I destined to be stuck here in a miserable, non intimate, sometimes very hostile and slightly scary relationship forever? I'm feeling so hopeless and depressed about it all. I think I am quite a nice person, always go out of the way to help others, kind, I'm a great mum but he tells me I'm awful, not good with the kids, always unhappy and sucking the joy out of everything. I'm starting to lose myself and it scares me.