Am I being unfair?

[ThisMintBiscuit]

Ok so I have a question.
I have 2 children from a previous relationship that I have been taking to their dads every 2 weeks on a Saturday and he or his fiancé bring them back on the Sunday. I travel with them on the train and it takes about 3 hours return journey. On the odd occasion it takes longer or wait times are ridiculous my current partner will take them in the car. This is a 2 hour return trip. If for whatever reason I can’t get them to their dads then he refuses to come and see them/get them.
I have a young child with my current partner and I’m pregnant with his 2nd. In the new year I am planning on telling my ex partner that he will have to travel to see my 2 eldest as I don’t think it is fair that I will have to travel all that way with a toddler and a newborn and I don’t believe my 2 youngest should be travelling all that way either. My current partner will be working more so will be unavailable to take the eldest to their dads. Am I right to say this? I feel he is just going to refuse to see them unless I bring them as he currently does this anyway.

This has been the standing arrangement, I think it would be awful to restrict your children seeing their dad. It isn't their choice to have more children in the family than you can meet the needs of.

To all the people saying ask them, have you any idea how much people pleasing children of blended families try to do? Don't put this pressure on them.

Your else's children's needs don't disappear because you need children with your current partner.

Except he's going to be working and you're putting your new relationship and new children above your older children by preventing them seeing their father because you can't be bothered traveling with them because you have to take your new children too.

You are choosing not to drive because that would be investing in your older children. Are you going to stop them going anywhere that requires a lift when they are a couple of years older because the father of your other children can't/won't take them?

You only do one journey and their father does the other. It's already fairly split. You are the one stopping the children seeing their dad not him.

Unfortunately your new partner is not free to be able to take on extra work over the weekends, as he has an ongoing commitment to his child (soon to be 2 children) to look after them every other weekend. So that needs to be shut down.

Your existing child arrangements take precedence over changes you and your partner choose to make such as extra children or changing jobs.

Your partner can't take on work on those days because he has to look after his children at those times.
You would be very unreasonable to make your first children's access to their Dad difficult for this reason.

It does read as though you are prioritising a baby that is not here yet (who will have numerous hand me downs and probably won’t need very much in the way of expenses), over your current children by not learning to drive. Facilitating a good relationship should be a priority, you both share the journey currently and that seems fair. It would be very useful for you with four children to be able to drive if your husband is away working so much.

Right now you split the travel, you deliver, he returns. That is reasonable given that you both moved and are both responsible for the children.

while their father should be more involved in their lives and see them more, that isn’t the question at hand. The reality is that he isn’t responsible for your choice to continue to have more children when you already have responsibilities towards your older children. That is your problem to figure out and your ex doesn’t need to do more because you decided to procreate.

He moved and then you moved so what your currently doing by a journey each sounds fair, what doesn’t sound fair is you now prioritising your toddler and new baby over the on going plan. Yes it’s not ideal to travel with the extra children but if you were doing the travel before they were born it’s now very unfair to try reduce contact with their dad.

I think one journey each, you both moved away and its not the ex fault or the older kids fault that you've chosen to have 2 more kids. To be honest it comes across a little like you've started your 'new' family and can't be bothered to facilitate the 'old' family.

So he doesn't priotise his children over work on the few weekends he is supposed to have them?
No wonder the kids aren't keen to go.

This!

But what if something happens to your partner @ThisMintBiscuit you need to learn to drive! This is ridiculous.

but in relation to getting your DC to their dads, surely soon enough they will be off an age where they can travel themselves on the train?!

Can you not both drive and meet half way each time?

Do you have a family member who can assist you with driving, if your partner will no longer do it?

Learn to drive OP.

Dont use the excuse that your partner drives so you don’t need to or that you would rather spend the money on your children over lessons.

You are restricting yourself and your children’s lives by depending on a man.

What happens if something happens to your partner and he can’t drive, if you break up, if he’s at work and your children need to be at a club or even worse the hospital.

get yourself some lessons and then you can drive your children to their dads when they’re meant to see him.

Can the kids not take the train by themselves?

I can't get my head around people saying they can't afford to learn to drive, but choose to have more children.

Surely continuing to have children is much more expensive than learning to drive.

Thought the same!