I have runaway wife syndrome

[ByAgileSwan]

Hi I have just left my partner of 13 years.
I felt so alone, I felt like I was unable to breathe. Every time I tried to raise issues he would have a melt down. I just couldn't talk to him. Or he would turn it around and pick at all my faults. We slept in separate beds for a few years now. He would always be busy helping his friends or fixing his motorbike, he would spend hours in the garage. Yet if I asked him to do something, he would say he is to busy doing this or doing that. He would pick me up from work and he would go straight to bed as soon as I got in the house. He would come down for dinner after I made it. Then after time I ended up taking it up to him. I would sit down stairs waiting for him. I never stopped him from going out. Yet again I would be waiting for him. I felt I had no choice but to leave. I do love him, I just couldn't do it anymore. I tried and tried. I'm 49yrs and I felt so alone. I feel bad for breaking his heart. I just need to be alone and find out who I am. It was so easy getting lost. So here we are.

Congratulations on your new freedom!
And so sorry you've had such a shit time with this rubbish bloke.
You're probably in a bit of shock now it's actually happened so need to get in a more positive mindset - when you were planning to leave him what were you most looking forward to about being free?
Do you have plans to have friends over, decorate the house in your style, do your hobbies, move somewhere else etc?

Seeking extra information:

Did you ever write to him about the issues and concerns?. Some men can respond better to a letter than directly speaking to them.

Is he depressed?

You were in different rooms why?

Does he have problems with his man bits and doesn't want to go there?

Is he seeing someone else?

Well done to you for leaving!
New chapter in life. It may be a bit wobbly at first, but you will soon find yourself and start living again. Just existingvis not yhe way forward.
Sorry to say this, but you are not breaking his heart, at all. His heart was not in this relationship and that is why you left. If he says he feels hurt it must be his ego, wallet or whatever, but not the heart. He is not worth a minute of your thought process. He signed himself out of that a few years back. Focus on you and finding what you do want. It is better to stay away from men for a long while.

You aren't his mum! He isn't a toddler. He's supposed to be a fully functioning adult. He isn't. Don't waste any more time thinking about him. Now is the time to think about yourself and get your life back on track.

It doesn’t sound like you’ve broken his heart, what makes you think you have? He wouldn’t talk to you, came home and went straight to bed, you had to take his tea up to him, you had separate rooms for years - what part of that makes you think he is heartbroken you’ve gone? He might miss having his tea made and house cleaned, but that isn’t quite the same thing.

I'm most looking forward to finding out who I am. I made myself so small for him. I moved out of the family home. I have found a flat and I'm just looking forward to being free. I don't want another relationship. I just need a time out. It's frightening and exciting all at the same time.