Hi all, I hope this is the right section to post this in. Please be kind it’s my first time posting for a good few years.
I just wanted to see if anyone has any advice or perspective on my situation with my STB ExH. We separated 1.5 years ago and are halfway through divorce. He moved out a year ago and is living in his own house.
Basically I am at a loss as to what to do, if anything, about the arrangements seeing our two children, aged 8 and 10.
He works shifts that follow no pattern, including frequent night shifts and working away from our town for days at a time.
He receives the information about what shifts he’s getting 4-6 weeks in advance although getting this information from him has proven a challenge since before we split (this was a factor in splitting).
He does pay maintenance and this is based on the 2-3 nights a week bracket.
The problem I have is that we have settled into a pattern of him telling me which dates he’s having them roughly a month before and these are completely unpredictable. He might have them in a week long stretch then a couple of other nights towards the end of the month. I never know what I’m doing month on month and so I can never plan anything in advance. He also refuses to take time off if they are ill, or if I need to work (I’m a teacher so I have parents evenings and other evening commitments).
He refuses to speak to his employer to explain the situation and see if any kind of pattern or consistency can be agreed. Even if there was just one night a week where I knew he was having them. I feel sorry for the boys because they never know what is happening week on week.
I know that I am speaking emotionally about this because I feel like I am living my life under his control. I am prepared to be told I have to suck it up and be grateful that he sees them at all/pays maintenance. Any advice would be welcomed though.