Changes to Settlement

[JollyJibes]

Does anyone know if it is possible to alter a divorce settlement? My DH divorced nearly 20 years ago, his settlement was extremely generous including lifetime spousal maintenance arrangement. They were married for 9 years.

His ex-wife has never tried to work despite being very highly educated, she has lived with a partner for 10 years (although he keeps a separate house so that they're not officially living together). Her mortgage has been paid off.

My husband's three children with her are now all adults. Her family have a massive pot of wealth that she will one day inherit.

Meanwhile, we have young kids and a mortgage, I work full time and while DH is a highly paid person, his job is very hard and stressful and he is hoping to retire as soon as we've paid off our mortgage. He sees his ex waltzing around having coffee and a lovely time and it's hard not to feel frustrated, he can't retire with the maintenance order in place and we don't have enough capital (without selling our house) for him to pay her off.

His settlement was agreed in London and happened at a time when settlements were very generous.

Is it worth talking to a lawyer about this or is it unlikely to be changeable? It seems very unfair when she's taken no responsibly for her own financial circumstances.

She gets spousal maintenance so that will be for life as she’s presumably forgone any pension rights from your DH??

You won’t be able to alter the divorce settlement as it’s legally binding so you both need to work around it and accept what it is.

I think the only way to do this is to capitalise the maintenance- which you say you’re not in position to do

does seem generous for a nine year marriage

Always worth exploring - what have you got to lose having a once off consult with solicitor who will give you more nuanced advice??

however… he did chose to have more children and she didn’t so of course that comes with a significant financial and time commitment? Supporting two families/households naturally means everything is divided a bit more. It sounds like you resent her life but she’s just at a different stage to you - your kids will grow up too and it won’t be hard and I can’t see her family money really being anything to do with you so I doubt that’ll be considered.

There are circumstances under which it can be done.

You'd need to get proper legal advice.

However, your dh choosing to start a new family and her being in line for an inheritance will have absolutely no bearing on whether it is possible.

(I speak as an ex-wife who also now swans around and drinks coffee as my children are now adults while my ex has chosen to start a new family).

I don't resent her life but I do find it a bit morally corrupt (sorry @Octavia64, being honest) that she hasn't done anything to support herself while DH sweats his b*llocks off and that she's pretending not to live with someone when she clearly does.

Why should DH's ex not suffer if DH changes his life circumstances? They're divorced.

It's sounds like it's not worth speaking to a lawyer. Don't want to throw money down the drain for nothing. She's very fortunate (coming from the daughter of a broke single mother who worked her b*llocks off for very penny)...

Settlements are usually clean break now rather than maintenance as it completely severs any financial connection.

So these days if a person is struggling financially after divorce they absolutely don't have the right to go back and take some of the divorce settlement from their ex partner.

In some cases in the past the settlements can be re-opened.

You aren't going to get the law to care that you think this woman is "morally corrupt" for not working.

@JollyJibes It is worth seeing a solicitor because spousal maintenance can be varied, for example when he chooses to retire and his income drops. It won't necessarily need to be capitalised in those circumstances.

It is a shame he didn't try to vary 10 years ago when she got a new partner but nevertheless her being in a stable relationship for 10 years could be an excellent reason to reduce or even terminate the spousal maintenance.

One final comment on spousal maintenance. In the old days judges didn't award joint lives spousal maintenance because they intended it to last forever. They awarded it because they didn't know when it should stop. A case about 10 years ago began to change that with the most senior judge in the family court ruling in a case that extendable terms were more appropriate than joint lives so that the onus would be on recipients to prove they still needed the maintenance after being given sufficient time to become financially independent rather than forcing payers to ask for a variation. Another case soon after (known as the "get a job" ruling) put an end date on what had previously been joint lives maintenance and the recipient was told off for making no effort to find work.

As I say, it's a shame his ex-wife wasn't taken to court earlier as she may now be considered too old to find a job. However, a court will be keen to ensure she is somewhat accountable for her own poor choices rather than your DH.

How much are we talking OP? Was he in any way the reason they got divorced?

I can see why you would be annoyed.