Navigating partner staying over/spending days together

[ParentAB]

Hi, I have a 12 yr old daughter and 10 year old son. Both kids get on really well with new partner of 10m but daughter doesn’t like him staying over or spending more than a day or evening a week with us. They used to be at dads every other weekend so partner would stay 3 nights then at mine then but I’m not sure when I’ll next be child free due to their dads mental health. I’ve told my kids they are my priority but at the same time I want to support my partner and show that he’s not just seeing me once a week. Long term we’ve spoke about moving in together in 2-3 years and I can’t see how I’d be able to progress in relationship without hurting kids. He also has children but they appear super chilled out about us all spending time together. What do I do and how can I show kids they’ll always be my priority?

Kids come first.

It's a sacrifice that I would make. I do make.

There's no man that I would put over my kids - especially not one after 10 months.

What's wrong with once a week ?

This is why he hasn’t been round for more than a few hours in evening once a week or the odd stay over. Once a week for now is one thing and I’m ok with this but conscious that I won’t want this long term and I’d love for us all to spend time together… my post makes it sound like he stays over lots when kids are here when in reality it’s been 5/6 times since May.

All far too quick, working a few months he was staying overnight with the kids there?
Your DD is at an awkward age and you're pushing this new man into her home, a man you didn't ben know last xmas!!
If he is committed he can survive on one night a week.
Have you even asked her how she feels?

kids are very much involved in stuff, I am super open and I ask their views all the time. First time he stayed over whilst I was with kids wasn’t planned, long story but it happened as kids came back last minute at night… As I say I’m happy with it as it is for now but don’t want to get settled on 1 evening/1 overnight and then not be able to progress later on so guess it was more of a how to navigate for later down the line.. I’ll definitely be taking your comments on board though

Your children come first.

Think of it from your Dd's point of view. It's ok for you to have a friend over to supper for a couple of hours but having some random bloke that she doesn't know, or have any affection for, foisted on her in her home is not ok.

It's her home and she deserves some privacy. How can she cope with periods or dance around in her underwear if you bring strange men home? How can she chat to you about her worries with him there?

Have lunchtime dates, see your man when the DCs are away (grand parents?). Wait for your ex to sort himself out.

If he's worth the bother, he'll wait. Ten months is nothing.

My DS is 16, my dp won't be staying overnight until DS leaves for university.