Work / money / very difficult relationship

[BrightJadeShaker]

Ok where to start. I’m in a very bad place right now, I’m actually scared of how low I’ve gotten.
I work long full time shifts and my ex no longer wants to work around it. I used to really enjoy my job but with all of this I’m am so stressed and low in confidence I am thinking of leaving now to spend time healing. I have to pass some exams to keep my job and work have given me an ultimatum essentially as I’ve fallen so far behind. This means I need to spend every spare waking moment studying when I’ve just moved house and my To Do list is ridiculous. I feel like a bad mum as I’m so depressed and disorganised.
Ex is controlling and domineering it’s honestly easier to just do what he wants. This upsets my friends as I get feel I should be stronger.
I have money from my house sale which I will end up having to live off. I had it from a previous property I worked hard to get before I met ex. He is very angry he didn’t get more of the money, he had racked up debts and likes to live beyond his means.
Things between us are difficult, he likes to make things all about him and sends me argumentative emails, and the children suffer as it spoils my time with them. He doesn’t want mediation unless I pay which I could but not sure if it will do anything?
He cheated, lied, always kept secrets. Not a bad dad but an irresponsible one in terms of making bad selfish decisions that negatively affect the family.
I have just been given anti depressants by the doctor. I am close to suicidal now to be honest. I have little / no support and the people i do have are naturally getting fed up of all this now.
We haven’t finalised the financial order, he’s pushing to do it. He earns £55k working 4 days pw, I earn about £22k after taking time out to raise chiidren while he worked and studied 2 masters degrees (now doing a PhD). He has a pension of about £9k. He used to cover the mortgage but just dropped me and now gives me nothing as he has the children half the time. The house was almost repossessed.
Honestly I don’t know what I’m asking except please give me some advice of where to go with all this.

He doesn’t have to like what job you do. If he wants to co parent he needs to accept what it is. You need to put him on mute and only communicate in a safe and controlled way. Either through mediators, lawyers or a parenting app. A key benefit of divorce is you don’t have to take on board your ex’s opinion of you or your decisions.

It’s really up to you whether it’s a job that works for your life as a divorced mother. Do you want to keep doing it? Realistically do you have the discipline to do the job, be a parent and study? Make the decision yourself based on what is right for you.

What is blocking you from agreeing the financial settlement? And if you can’t agree it why not just refer it to the court for a decision if you are confident in your offer or rejection of his offer. You need to plough through all of this to get to the point where the button is permanently on mute.

What job do you do that pays so little? Will the exams improve that?
How old are the DC?

2 things you need to prioritize:
1 earning more 22k is not enough to live on.
2 removing all the things that give him power to fuck with your life. So not relying on him for childcare or money.