Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Is CMS worth the fight?

35 replies

Cantfacethebattle · 16/10/2024 14:21

My ex-DH moved out a year ago and does not pay maintenance. He earns more than me. One of our DC stayed a couple of nights a week at his to start with but has not stayed for a few months. We also have uni aged children and I've nicely asked for some help during the (very long) holidays towards food. He has refused. He refuses point blank to send any money for maintenance for the youngest (who is at school until the end of this academic year), or contribution towards the older children whilst at home.

He has helped each of them directly with big purchases (and I help them with smaller things as and when I can), but I literally do not have enough money each month to buy enough food let alone any nice extras.

Meanwhile my lovely partner pays over the odds for every little thing his children need, as he should, and wouldn't dream of doing otherwise.

My youngest will only be in education for the remainder of this academic year. I know he is not obliged to pay for the older children and my youngest once they leave school.

I have started the CMS application but have not submitted it yet as I am just scared of him. Is it worth it, or for the sake of a few months am I better to cut my losses? After a horrendous divorce and court hearing I am wrung-out. I would love any words of wisdom you can offer me :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantfacethebattle · 17/10/2024 13:42

ShinyShona · 17/10/2024 13:11

It sounds like you moved in a new partner quite quickly after your ex-DH moved out. Presumably that has caused some friction?

For the youngest child, the CMS would be worth pursuing although bear in mind the large purchases for your children might then stop (but you would have more control over the money that he does spend on your youngest child). That said, as he is self employed, the CMS doesn't tend to be well resourced enough to sort things out in a matter of months.

For the older children, it depends on their ages. If they are under 19 and in full time education then it's possibly worth it. Older than that and they will need to make claims against him themselves. Again, if he is self employed, this could make things tricky.

Not sure I said I moved anyone in? I live alone. Not that it's relevant really, is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantfacethebattle · 17/10/2024 13:44

LemonTT · 17/10/2024 13:39

He will give the CMS the information he gives to HMRC. This approach isn’t the flex people think it is. As long as his accounts are legal and lawful the HMRC aren’t going to investigate and he will know that.

The OP can either informally ask for CMS for the youngest or submit a claim.

For the older kids, my question is why they asking him to fund big ticket items and not their day to day expenses. They need to have this conversation with their father.

Show quote history

I have tried to make our own arrangement informally, but he refuses. Yes, they only use the HMRC information, which in his case paints a false and very poor picture.

The older children don't ask him for anything. He volunteers it and I suppose they are just grateful for what they do get.

OP posts:
ShinyShona · 17/10/2024 13:51

Cantfacethebattle · 17/10/2024 13:42

Not sure I said I moved anyone in? I live alone. Not that it's relevant really, is it?

Show quote history

It's not massively relevant legally no, but it can sometimes explain behaviours for the sake of context (e.g. the extent to which the paying party might resist their obligations).

Original poster
Cantfacethebattle · 17/10/2024 13:52

ShinyShona · 17/10/2024 13:51

It's not massively relevant legally no, but it can sometimes explain behaviours for the sake of context (e.g. the extent to which the paying party might resist their obligations).

Show quote history

Agree, he has always resisted his obligations. But yes it's extremely acrimonious

OP posts:
ShinyShona · 17/10/2024 14:11

Cantfacethebattle · 17/10/2024 13:52

Agree, he has always resisted his obligations. But yes it's extremely acrimonious

Show quote history

And I guess the follow up question I then wanted to ask was would your children have more luck getting money from him than you, to avoid a fruitless battle with the CMS?

Original poster
Cantfacethebattle · 17/10/2024 14:12

ShinyShona · 17/10/2024 14:11

And I guess the follow up question I then wanted to ask was would your children have more luck getting money from him than you, to avoid a fruitless battle with the CMS?

Show quote history

I've always tried to keep them out of it, but I'm beginnig to think maybe that's wrong...

OP posts:
Dampfnudeln · 17/10/2024 14:22

I'd do it just to cause him the hassle if it's not going to have any negative repercussions for you. As an adult, I'm so disappointed with my DF for allowing my DM (and his DC) to struggle rather than handing over any of "his" money to her. Your DC will realise this too.

ShinyShona · 17/10/2024 14:25

Cantfacethebattle · 17/10/2024 14:12

I've always tried to keep them out of it, but I'm beginnig to think maybe that's wrong...

Show quote history

Given their ages, you cannot really keep them out of it because if there is a claim to be made, they have to make it. You would hope that he would happily pay them rather than put his children through a court case too...

momentumneeded · 17/10/2024 21:44

Unfortunately @ShinyShona there is zero legal requirement for the paying parent to financially provide for their children once they have turned 18 and finished A levels. There is no case to take to court. I don't think it's morally right, especially when they are a high earner, but that is a whole other discussion - namely about the flaws of the student finance model.

ShinyShona · 17/10/2024 21:58

momentumneeded · 17/10/2024 21:44

Unfortunately @ShinyShona there is zero legal requirement for the paying parent to financially provide for their children once they have turned 18 and finished A levels. There is no case to take to court. I don't think it's morally right, especially when they are a high earner, but that is a whole other discussion - namely about the flaws of the student finance model.

There is but the children have to apply themselves under the Children Act 1989.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page