Please help me be brave

[LonelygirlM1986]

I'm 38 married for 16 years together for 20,
Parents both past years ago, only sibling died last year,
My husband scares me,
He gets angry and has hit me, pinned me against walls screamed at me thrown things and still I won't leave him, what Is wrong with me?? Have I enabled him why doing feel guilty at leaving him?
He can be loving and thoughtful and romantic but he doesn't seem to change

There is nothing wrong with you.

there is no excuse for his behaviour and if he loved you he wouldn’t be doing it.

It sounds like you know yourself That you need to leave. Could you ring women’s aid for advice? X

I’m sorry you are going through this OP. Have you any idea what is stopping you leaving him? Fear, low self esteem resulting in not feeling you’ll cope on your own? Financial insecurity , feeling overwhelmed at what might lie ahead were you to leave, finding somewhere to live if you leave your home etc? Even when you want to leave and know you deserve better, it is a really hard thing to imagine yourself doing.

Do you have anyone who can support or help you? Have you told anyone what you’re going through and that you want to leave?

There is nothing wrong with you, but you have been silenced and trained by a violent man. I recommend you speak to someone who will understand your situation better and can give targeted support. You can use email if you can't safely talk.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Good luck, you deserve so much more than this

You know you need to leave OP, your situation is increasingly dangerous and making you unhappy. But it takes a long time to leave. It takes time to make that leap and you need support in RL. It isn't easy and there is nothing wrong with you.

Talk to Women's aid. Make your plans. The more detailed and familiar they get, the more confident you will feel.

Do you have friends you can talk to? Who will help with the practicalities? Are there children to consider?

And I forgot to agree with those who said there is nothing wrong with you. I remember asking my DB the same question when I was struggling to take the first steps to leave my abusive ex. It was only afterwards that I realised just how he had taken from me - any faith in myself, my confidence, my mental and physical health, my money. I despised him but didn’t /couldn’t leave for 23 years. He didn’t deserve 23 years of my life and I deserved so much better, as do you. You can do this OP. You probably don’t feel like you can, but you really can.

In addition to urgently contacting Women's Aid as mentioned in pp, please also read "Why Does He Do that? by Lundy Bancroft. A free pdf copy is available on mumsnet, just do a search. You are being brutalised by your DH.

Link for the book I mentioned:

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

There's nothing wrong wirh you, you are isolated and alone. You are dependent on your abuser. You need help and support to leave. When it is sage, please contact Women's Aid or Refuge, they can help you. Recognising that this is not right is a really good first step.