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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Advice on parental responsibility/mediation and others

12 replies

newmummy1206 · 11/10/2024 14:20

Hi everyone. I’m sorry for the long message but I will try to keep it as short as possible. I gave birth to my child in a different country and faced many problems there since she was very premature. Eventually I was able to make her documents, however since we were never married, this specific country denied the father on the birth certificate due to laws. During this time, the father was in the UK and not communicating with me so I made her passport alone, however I did give his surname to her. (Probably made a mistake here)
I stayed in that country due to visa issues and made a decision to send the baby back to be with her father: mainly because healthcare is better in the UK and the baby would be with her father (who I then had an OK relationship with) as well as being able to be around family and friends that could help. Although it was a joint decision, ultimately the final decision was in my hands and I felt like it was the best option for her.
I eventually returned to the UK after a few years (if you know much about the country I was stuck in you will understand how slow court and issues take to solve) during this time I was regularly in touch with my child on the phone, Skype etc but I did feel that I was being alienated from many things to do with my child’s life.
During this time, the father got a new partner and has since had another child. Since my return back to the UK, he has not allowed me to see my child. He doesn’t answer the phone and he rarely replies on WhatsApp but I have received a few pictures. He has basically said that our child is happy and settled, which of course I understand, and that our child doesn’t need me in her life. Is it his decision to decide whether our child is happier without me or no? Don’t I have a right to see my only child?
As I understand I cannot apply for a c100 without mediation, and I believe he has received the letter since his partner called me. What position does the new partner stand in all of this, do they have a say in what happens?
What are my actual rights as the biological mother? When I sent her home I only did this for her own good and never thought he would prevent me from seeing my child. How was he able to register her for school and doctors without his name on the birth certificate? And is this even legal without me being notified?
Since I don’t even know the address of my child I was not able to rent an apartment close to where she is currently staying (I have just found out the area) how will this affect the mediation or court, the fact that I don’t live nearby?
I am really sorry for the endless messages but it’s really hard to find an answer to my unusual situation and I would love to hear from anyone with any advice.
Thank you so much x

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 11/10/2024 14:28

I think you just need to go to court ASAP so find somewhere to live in the area and you move when you need to.

It was lucky he was able to register her for school and doctors isn't it? It would have been detrimental if not. I suspect he went through the courts or something using DNA to get parental responsibility which was the right thing to do as you weren't there.

What is ir you want? How much contact?

newmummy1206 · 11/10/2024 14:31

Thanks for the quick reply. I would like to be re introduced back into her life, albeit I know this will need to be slowly. The partner suggested I wait a few years and then contact them again? 😳
By law I had to try the mediation so I am waiting for the answer. Can the partner even do a DNA test without informing you (we were in contact everyday)

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndI · 11/10/2024 14:33

I imagine it'll be a lot for a small child who's not really known her mum to suddenly have back in her life.
You need to go to court and do it slowly. It could be detrimental to her if you don't.

SilenceInside · 11/10/2024 14:35

You need urgent legal advice. You need to find out if he has managed to obtain parental responsibility through the courts somehow. If he is not on her birth certificate and if he has not managed to obtain PR via the courts then he does not have PR and cannot make these decisions for your child.

Either way, you do have parental responsibility and should be legally entitled to contact and to input on decision making. You need to urgently apply to court for contact, mediation first, and then onto a court ordered contact schedule of mediation fails.

newmummy1206 · 11/10/2024 14:36

SilenceInside, thank you for your quick reply. I have already initiated the mediation so I am now waiting but I will also bear in mind the other things, thank you. X

OP posts:
newmummy1206 · 11/10/2024 14:39

Updated Question How do you find out if the other parent has filed anything in the court if you’ve never received notifications? Thank you!

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 11/10/2024 14:40

My guess is that your ex applied for child benefit and used a passport for school. It is perfectly legal to register for school, doctor etc without the other parent’s permission.

I would apply for a Child Arrangement Order and expect contact to start little but increased until 50%. Your daughter has a right to see both parents so it doesn’t matter what your ex thinks really. If you daughter is about 11/12 then she will be asked for her opinion and a judge would let her see you and her dad as much as she wanted.

If ex won’t attend mediation then you could go straight to court. Waiting a few years won’t change things.

SilenceInside · 11/10/2024 14:46

newmummy1206 · 11/10/2024 14:39

Updated Question How do you find out if the other parent has filed anything in the court if you’ve never received notifications? Thank you!

That's a question that a family solicitor should be able to answer for you, I would have thought.

newmummy1206 · 11/10/2024 14:46

Snorlaxo, thanks for this. She is only 4. Is it beneficial to me if he refuses mediation? Does his new partner have a say in things and will she be involved in decisions or is it between me and the ex?

OP posts:
SilenceInside · 11/10/2024 14:57

The new partner does not have any legal role in this, and won't be involved in any legal agreements. Of course she will be able to influence your ex and what he may think, but ultimately it's not down to her.

outdamnedspots · 11/10/2024 15:07

You really need to get a lawyer who specialises in this area for advice. I wish you all the best.

Snorlaxo · 11/10/2024 16:21

The new partner has no legal say but will have sway with your ex. For example she could be annoyed that your child maintenance goes down because you are seeing the child more or she could be annoyed that school events that are 2 adults per child end up being you and your ex rather than ex and her. That’s not your problem.

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