Prompted to post due to responses on my other thread.
We'll have completed 12 years of marriage (and 17 years of friendship) this year. Soon to be 7 DD.
It's always been unhappy, but making do. Came close to separation a couple of years ago (she wanted it). Kid was 4, and seemed quite happy about dad living around the corner and always being around as she explained it to her .Obviously its not that simple, I know but a starting point.
The topic came up again. My immediate issue is her inability to engage with any aspect of life that's not "everyday things"(primarily defined as cooking) . This ranges from my daughter's speech issues( which, not being a developmental issue the NHS won't pay for)- we need to get a private therapist- I did but it having come from a Google search, I wanted a second pair of eyes to find out if the place was decent and this was not done so we just went with what I found. The dryer needs urgent repair (clothes hanging an all the radiators). Knowing I wanted her to do it post fight, she took it on but no phone call has been made in over a week. She decided despite her allergies that she wanted our daughter (and me!) to have birds, but would not participate in any aspect of even thinking about a winter aviary (outdoors to avoid allergies) and bird room (we're keeping them as companion animals rather than a hobby in an aviary we need space to provide them company- I am to provide company by using it as an office during the day and my daughter after school). There was no input beyond "get birds" and total refusal to participate in the mental labour. At this point is where I escalated matters and we decided to start from scratch- suppliers of goods thankfully refunded money, but garden's still dug up and temperatures have plummeted so grass won't grow until spring but that's ok. But given that her input is needed now to start again she has decided to shut down our project altogether, including the much needed shed (easy to put together) to store metal frame pools and other things strewn in the garden at end of summer she complains about.
She has chosen to stay at home without an income (something I don't resent at all-not all of us must serve capitalism) and until recently, I used to do most of the housework and childcare happily underperforming at my WFH job. Take daughter on holidays so DW would have alone time. After DW's mum's visit, cooking (though not washing up) was taken away from me as she felt my cooking was bad (guilty as charged) and she could do better. Still do most of the cleaning and laundry but she finds it irritating to have me walking around the house to neaten stuff/vacuum or even enter her room to put clothes in the cabinet.
I have serious mental health issues (on prescribed controlled substances, not just on regular prescription meds). I understand you need to speak to the (unavailable on NHS) therapist, but one does need to be able to speak to family as well and she'll just shut me down. This is potentially because of her own issues (physical and mental) which she simply will not seek help for.
Bottomline is I am unhappy, as is she. I proposed separation and that very minute DW told DD, and there was lots of crying, fake family hugs etc.
We have a house, paid off. I've just got a raise meaning that they could get my entire old income (meant for 3)-no change in lifestyle-and I'd have just about enough left to scrounge by in a flat within 5 min walk. Would come, help with house, childcare and garden-without sense of ownership so no anxiety about poor standards. And if you live in a house with someone (especially a "wife") there's expectation of "talking" whether about mental health, stresses at work or the broken washing machine. Yes I'd want to see other people but marriage I am certain never again.
Wife threatens to possibly move back with our child to our country of origin. What do people think?