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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Inheritance for DC, STBEX provision and/or trustee

8 replies

PancakesForElephants · 06/10/2024 19:42

Does anyone have any advice about wills and STBEXes in terms of looking after money ultimately destined for DC?

STBEX and I are not married. He told me a few months ago he was out, and it turns out he's been seeing an ex.

I know I need to make a will. I'll leave most £ to my DS, some to friends. I've also changed my pension to nominate DS instead of STBEX and taken him off my death in service nomination so that now would follow my will.

Worst case, I die before DS is 18, so someone needs to look after the money in his interests. I know I need a trust, and a trustee to act in DS's best interests, but I'm not sure that trustee should be my cheating lying ex although he is DS other parent. At the moment, AFAIK, STBEX has no other kids and no plans to have more of his own but who knows what he'll do next in living out his sad mid life crisis cliché. His (married) OW has kids.

My aged DPs have also told me they've put a provision in their will that if I die before them, then my inheritance goes to DS, but with a chunk strings free to STBEX. They've asked me what I want to do about that.

I have no relationship with my siblings and wouldn't trust them at all so they are not an option. I have a close friend I could ask, who also happens to be related to STBEX, but we are still friendly. He would then get the obligation of managing DS's money in his interests, but get some no strings £ to help.

Aii! What have other people done in this situation? I'm also aware I'm still angry about STBEX being a dick so judgement may be clouded.

OP posts:
Baglessvacuous · 06/10/2024 19:51

I had this worry for a long time because there was nobody to appoint. In the end I appointed my solicitor. I'm pleased with that decision and I feel a lot calmer. My ex's financial priorities are not his children.

Baglessvacuous · 06/10/2024 19:52

I'm a long way down the road from splitting up but I still wouldn't trust him.

whenemmafallsinlove · 06/10/2024 20:13

I would tell your parents to change their wills unless they want him to spend their money on his fancy piece. And then I would talk to your solicitor about being a trustee. If that's affordable based on your estate then do that. If not then ask the most honest person you know - whoever they are. Then forget about it, you're likely never to need this plan.

SheilaFentiman · 06/10/2024 20:16

Echo the solicitor - you can leave a list of wishes, I think, which the solicitor will probably follow unless demonstrably against the best interest of the child

Mix56 · 06/10/2024 20:18

My parents asked a solicitor they had used for years to be the trustee, when the time came the solicitor couldn't be traced for ages, he'd done a runner to Spain as he had embezzled the money of some of his clients, fortunately not ours !
So just be sure that there is some kind of back up if the person is missing/dead

helleborus · 06/10/2024 20:42

I think you need 2 or more trustees. If you trust STBEX to act in the interests of your children, do you have a friend who is good with financial/legal stuff that you could appoint to act alongside him? This could be the relative of his that you mention, but if they are close to him would they challenge him regarding decisions?
The downside with appointing a solicitor is that their fees can eat away at the value of the trust over the years.

amothersinstinct · 06/10/2024 20:59

Funnily enough I spoke to a wills company about this very issue last week

I have 3 young children under the age of 10. Divorced.

Fairly significant assets and likely inheritance from parents

The wills company said as the children's dad is their legal guardian ultimately he would then have access to the kids inheritance and there is little checks done on how he spends it and say he then moved into my house to care for the kids he'd be living rent free and getting a financial benefit ....

Their advice was to set up a trust - nominate someone I trust as a guardian like my sibling and then my ex would have to go to them to request money to raise the children so at least them someone is keeping an eye on the children's inheritance

They said I could also make a provision that my ex pay market rate rent to live in the family home and then this money would go back in the trust

amothersinstinct · 06/10/2024 21:00

Oh and the cost I was quoted to set the trust up was £300 as October is free wills month

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