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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Child maintenance

14 replies

Sperr · 03/10/2024 14:42

i have separated from my husband and living in our jointly owned house. He’s living with his mum. We are paying the mortgage and nursery fees 50/50 currently. he only has her every other weekend at the moment

im sorting the divorce papers- could he be liable for paying child maintenance or because I’m in the house does he not have to pay me anything?

OP posts:
BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 03/10/2024 14:44

He's liable for maintenance payments however he may not have to pay the mortgage and he definitely won't be held responsible for 50% of the nursery payments so before rocking the boat make sure you aren't going to lose out.

Original poster
Sperr · 03/10/2024 14:50

Why wouldn’t he be liable for nursery? We both work which is why she’s in nursery! To be honest I’m not really bothered about receiving money from him- he’s very disinterested in seeing our daughter since the split and I’m hoping that it makes him choose to see her over having to send me money. Our house is on the market so I’m hoping it sells quickly so we can close that chapter too

OP posts:
ArrowOfAthena · 03/10/2024 14:55

You pay for the time that she's "with you"
He pays for the time that she's "with him"

Eg if you did a straight weekly split
You have her Sunday to weds - you are choosing to send her mon/tue/wed

He has her thu Fri sat
And he chooses to get his dm to watch her.

He doesn't pay you anything for her care

Maintenance is something else

millymollymoomoo · 03/10/2024 15:20

If he only has her eow then it’s not impacting his working pattern hence he could say he doesn t need nursery…,, and he could stop contributing to a house he’s not living in

so while he should party these it will be big battle for you if he stopped

Summerbreeze456 · 03/10/2024 18:45

You pay for the time that she's "with you"
He pays for the time that she's "with him"

That seems rather unfair, though, depending on the setup. If one parent only has the children on the weekend, they wouldn't have to pay for nursery,...usually only seeing the kids on the weekend because...well, they work during the week. As does the second parent but they don't get a choice. Considering how expensive nursery is in the UK, it doesn't seem fair.

We're in Germany. DH will be liable for half the school fees for DS (because he was already at private school before he fucked off and it's considered to be better for his wellbeing not to have to move schools) and half the nursery fees for DD (because, legally, I don't need to go back to work until she's 3). This is on top of the normal child maintenance payments.

NorthernSpirit · 05/10/2024 15:56

Assuming you are married & in the UK:

If you are living in the house - you are expected to pay the mortgage & all bills for that house.

Your EH will be expected to pay child maintenance based on the number of overnights he has the children/child for.

He won’t be expected to pay nursery fees. This is a cost the CM is deemed to go towards.

Ponderingwindow · 05/10/2024 16:05

where I live, he is separately responsible for nursery fees in proportion to his income relative to yours. It’s far too large of an expense relative to day to day costs to put under child maintenance.

the uk system is unusual in not holding the parent who sees the child less responsible for childcare so the residential parent can work.

Coconutter24 · 05/10/2024 16:11

Until the house sells I wouldn’t rock the boat by asking for money. Your both paying 50/50 on mortgage and nursery which as the situation stands seems fair. Once the house has sold you’ll be paying for your home and he’ll pay for his, so I would now ask about maintenance. Depending how much he earns and how much he pays for nursery you need to weigh up what is the best thing financially for you and DD. It could be that if you went through maintenance it could be £200 a month and he doesn’t have to pay for nursery legally so if that’s the case and he pays say £400 for nursery you’d be better to ask him to just continue going 50/50 for nursery

Cerialkiller · 05/10/2024 16:28

Yes it's unfair but op doesn't need informing on what's fair, she needs informing on what IS. Assuming you are UK op then the only thing that your ex is liable for (short of a court order) is paying child maintenance. He doesn't have to pay for your mortgage, or the kids clothes, or schooling, or childcare costs, or dentists appointments or piano lessons. It's shit but this is the system we have currently.

Many dad's don't even pay minimum cm and get away with it. Yes the system need to change but this is what we have to deal with now.

Frazzled54 · 05/10/2024 17:45

If the mortgage is in both your names then he needs to continue to pay half even if he’s not living there.
He should also pay CM but if he’s paying for the nursery then I would work out using the CMS calculator how much he would be eligible to pay and see if you’re better off just leaving him paying half the nursery fees. Do uou know how much he earns?

I’m still in the house and my stbx pays half the mortgage and CM. I pay all the bills and the other half of rhe mortgage.

Wolframandhart · 05/10/2024 17:52

Will maintenance be the same as half the nursery fees and mortgage? If not, don't go for it until the house is sold as no he doesn't have to pay it. Nobody can make him pay anything. Maintenance is all he has to pay. And that is bit far off being down to the absent father’s discretion.

NotAgainWilson · 05/10/2024 17:54

Ok. Forget about what’s fair, nothing fair in all of this but you can’t change the rules.

Check the CMS website’s maintenance calculator, forget about arranging a higher child maintenance via court (any party can revert the CM order to CMS calculations after a year of issue, you cannot object this), he won’t pay fir nursery if not having her during the week, he might not pay if he has her anyway. What you need to fight for is for a higher percentage of the equity of the house, a proportional part of his pension and, if he is loaded, spousal maintenance.

Angeldelight21 · 07/10/2024 06:34

Hi OP, did you apply for Universal Credit? You might be eligible because of the nursery costs.

millymollymoomoo · 07/10/2024 07:10

I presume he’s not loaded if he’s currently living with his mum

right now you need to discuss short-term
Finances / ie you’re in the fmh - who pays the mortgage/bills etc while you have sole use, dies he pay nursery and cms etc etc in an interim arrangement etc while longer term finances are finalised with regards house, any other assets etc

it’s not right he should have to pay half house and mortgage plus cms plus half nursery while he’s living at his mums.

youll need to weigh up what you try to claim

can you claim any benefits? Custs if nursery fees/free hours ?

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