Navigating co-parenting

[wottodooo]

Very early days of co-parenting with exH and I could really do with some advice on what is reasonable to ask of him.

He has chosen one weekday per week to have DC, ok in the holidays but now they're back at school he basically picks them up they go to him for tea, stay over and then he takes them back to school the next morning, it's a 25minute drive to school from his. ExH works in a job where he has 2 weekdays off, would it be unreasonable to ask for him to request one weekend off per month to spend with DC? It feels as though he can't possibly be having quality time with them. I'm maybe being a little bitter as he does seem to manage to get weekends off if it's something he wants to do.

With regards to communication of plans, I'm often having to text him several times to ask a question and I either don't get a reply or something obtuse. For example he told me a while ago that he would take extra time off to spend with DC in October half term, I have now asked 4 times for confirmation of the dates, DC have invitations I need to reply to and I'd just quite like to know what's happening. I'd like to put some expectation in place but what is reasonable to ask?

I've been accused (via exMIL) of wanting to know everything that's going on in ExH's life, I've been so laid back and easy going with everything but I'm getting fed up and need to put some boundaries in place, can't anyone suggest anything please?

In the scenario above re: October half term, i'd just message and let him DC have plans on x, y dates so if he wants extra time with them he'll have to work round that. If he gets arsey you can remind him you contacted to firm up arrangements and you are just putting the best interest of the children first (Assuming they want to take up their invites)

Your ex sounds shit and I really feel for you. Absolutely not too much to expect him to want to spend quality time with his children, but possibly not realistic. I think it will help you if you accept he is shit and expect nothing from him more than his one night a week (because his shitty behaviour is outside of your control!). And i just think if you end up relying on him in hols you might end up scrambling for childcare...

Ignore MIL she's not your problem anymore, let her say what she wants, shes hardly raised dad of the year has she!

Everyone’s co-parent relationships are different but you have to find a middle ground that works for both of you. You can ask him if he wants to take a weekend off to spend with them, but you can’t make him, he could decide he never wants any overnights and that would be his choice.

With regards to the late notice of changes and not confirming dates- this is the danger of just agreeing things between the two of you. The only way to get around that really would be a formal order which sets out dates etc in advance but even the he could decide last minute he doesn’t want to have them those dates and no court will enforce it.

Sorry OP it’s a tough one!

You can't force him to request weekends off, no.