How to properly move on

[ikeepforgetting]

I've been separated from ex for 7 months after a 29 year relationship, so I realise that I am unrealistic in thinking I should be able to move on yet. But I keep getting setbacks and waves of fury over how I am still doing absolutely everything for teen DC, dog, house, finances and he has spent the last few months just job hunting while lodging with a friend. DC can't be bothered with him right now so he does nothing with them/to help.

The average day for me is mindblowingly hectic and for him, he forgot to pay a parking fine on family car as he was 'overwhelmed' with some reading for a new job.

It feels like all the things that made the marriage crap for me - I did everything then too - have just continued with the added crapness of never getting a break and the betrayal of his multiple affairs. To make things worse, I haven't had time to find freelance work after this month because of everything else I am doing.

I am having therapy, talk to friends etc but none of it can change the fact that I remain the doormat and have absolutely no choice. I feel even more trapped now than ever.

Rant over! But some of those positive stories of future fabulousness would be very welcome if you have any!

Hello .. you amd me the same .. i haven’t loooked at mumsnet for years amd today i just need to talk to a random stranger… my best friend is exhausted trying to listen to me say i love him dearly and want so much just to roll into our later years with a little break maybe or a day off .. i too am freelamce and find it so hard to concentrate or find any joy in building my life around an empty bed … my partner stays quite focused on being nice to us he comes for Sunday linch amd calls every day.. i py the bills and the mortgage.. to keep a roof over our heads and to aave our family home .. my partner went off to live on his boat and said he was starting a business in the boat yard which he did .. now he says he has found someone else and i am broken .. i want to be angry but i really just want him home ..

i see your post was about moving on .. i dont know everyone tells me .. family and friends say .. oh .. it was aways difficult.. take the relationship away and all the pain of hope and you probably are doing much better.. but here adding to my partners new energy for his business and new .. er friends.. i just think i have the whole loss and also still have my son to try to explain all this too .. i am like.. we all love each other .. dad will be fine . We will be fine .. i am just not sure that i will really be fine .. i am just mopping up and feeling like i am suppose to cary on and he gets to redefine his life .. mine not so much ..

I think minimising contact helps with the resentment. Not knowing what is going on in his life. Blocking him on any social media. I only discuss important decisions now not the day to day. You still end up doing everything but it’s easier when the other persons life isn’t in your face and you aren’t expecting anything from them. Concentrate on teen stepping up more eg cooking a meal a week, helping with dog. Also in my case massively lowering my housework standards and swapping to much easier quicker meals. It was a hard slog but my dc have turned out fine even with a much more slack parent than many of their friends had. You do get payback eventually when your dc are old enough to appreciate everything you have done. Speak to dc if old enough tell them you are overwhelmed and they need step up and help out. I used to do far more at home as a teenager than my dc had to and it’s positive for them to be more self reliant. Always have something nice booked to look forward to. I find that helps and forces me find time for myself.

That's a good idea to make DC more reliant. I guess I am also dealing with the guilt that they are in this situation and hurting so cutting them a lot of slack. I did block ex everywhere but he was desperate to let me know about his great new job so he found a way...