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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Co parenting when ex does very little with DCs

3 replies

Cupofteaformeee · 28/09/2024 11:20

Putting together a plan to leave H. Due to his shift work I would have the DCs the majority of the time and it’s possible that he would have them 1-2 nights per week. I would never stop him seeing DCs before work/after work etc.

My issue is that stbexh does very little with the children. He doesn’t take them out on his own, on a day off it is me that suggests taking them to the park/softplay/beach etc. It has been a massive issue since they were born (oldest is almost a teen now and we have a younger DC) that he won’t take them anywhere on his own when I’m in work all weekend. They are left to their own devices in the house while he is on his phone or playing video games. It does not cross his mind to take them for an hour to the park. He rarely reads to them or played with them/taught them to ride bikes etc.

My issue now is that I know that they will do nothing when they are with their Dad, he obviously cooks them meals and has very occasionally started to take our almost teen out on his own but that’s rare.

Is anyone in a similar situation? Financially obviously I’ll be the one forking out for entry for various things, bus fares, food out while he does nothing 😔

OP posts:
LeSoleilLaLune · 28/09/2024 18:02

Very similar situation. Mine has asked for 50/50 time with our child & I have been advised to say yes because it is what a judge would give him if it went to court.

tribpot · 28/09/2024 18:11

Yes, a friend of mine has this - very much 50:50 in name only. Her ex insists that the dc spend exactly half their nights at his house but beyond feeding them and getting them to the bus stop for school in the morning he does absolutely nothing. When the bus fails to show up, even on his days, it becomes my friend's problem. She does every medical appointment, buys all their clothes, takes them to all their activities, including on his days - because he just won't. He goes out nearly every night they're with him (they're mid-teens) to train for his hobby sport.

Another friend of ours who's been through a protracted legal battle over access has advised that she could go back to court on the basis of how unequal this '50:50' arrangement is, but she's no more fight or money left.

I'm not telling you this to depress you or make you think it's not worth leaving, but just to set some realistic expectations. One day I really hope her DC rebel and just refuse to keep doing this, but at the moment she expects that it will even continue when they go to university 🙁

Chowtime · 28/09/2024 18:11

I think if he's having them once a week and you 6 then it doesn't really matter if he doesn't do anything with them they will get all that from you.

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