Talk me through this shit please ...

[THATchickennchipsbasicbitch]

DP and I are seperating. Long time coming. Don't even like him these days

We have dc aged between 3 and 16, own house jointly

First house ever owned, not even sure where to start with selling. He is going to be zero help. Denial i think.

Where do I bloody start?

Also. Tips on telling DC?

First step: see if you can discuss the split of assets/kids between you and come to a conclusion yourselves.

Either way, get a solicitor.

Gather information about house value, mortgage, savings etc

think about what you have between you and what you need.

try to discuss between you

try to put your children at the centre - they don’t want parents at war.

read up online about divorce process and the principles of splitting assets. Don’t see it as win/lose battle but a way of reaching agreement where likely compromises required on both sides

Both seek independent legal
advice

Get the house valued by three different estate agents. Deduct how much you owe on the mortgage and what is left (the equity) is split 50/50 unless you had a prior agreement when first bought.

Get the house thoroughly cleaned, ie move furniture and wash skirting boards, clean inside cupboards etc. Whilst doing this you can declutter at the same time.

Do any small jobs that you've put off such as skirting boards falling off, misty double glazing, broken cabinet doors, dripping taps. Don't repaint as it's a waste of money generally unless the walls are horrendously scuffed.

Mow the lawn, cut shrubs back, sweep paths/drive and throw away broken pots.

Get on Rightmove and see what you can afford and where. Keep tweaking mileage and prices and downsize your expectations.

Get onto CMS and start the application. Go on benefits checker to see if you can get any help with childcare or housing costs.

Be prepared to do it all with zero help. Better to be pleasantly surprised rather than have even more resentment and anger.

Finally, good luck. You've got this

EDIT - the pp above seem to think you are married. I'm assuming you are not as you said DP. Can you clarify?

Missed that you aren’t married - sorry

so , of my post applies but re splitting assets essentially what’s in each party’s names remains so and the house will be split depending on ownership ( joint events = 50:50) .

then think child access and where will live and child maintenance will be due based on that

Not holding any hope out on CM, he is self employed although rarely works. He will really struggle to run his own place as had never dealt with bills and crap with money

Between my wage & UC top up financially we will be ok so I would rather assume no money from him

Is it best to get house all sorted before getting people to value?

There is an organisation called amicable.io that may be able to help you. You can get a free half-hour call to work out whether you want to purchase their services. They are legally aware and trained, but they are not practicing lawyers who represent one or the other party. They can potentially help project-manage your divorce (if your are married) while ensuring the correct legal steps are taken in the correct order. In case you are not married, they may or may not be able to help with separation where there is a jointly owned house, but I am sure they can tell you that during the free call, and they might even give a spot of free advice how to manage that if they cannot help.

They are a professional service company and hence carry a certain cost, but their philosophy genuinely seems to be make things go smoothly and efficiently and at the most reasonable cost possible for each separating couple.

My only personal affiliation with them is that I considered using them for my own divorce. They did not suit us in the end, so we used someone else, due to complexities of our personal situation, such as multiple legal jurisdictions, but if you are in the UK with all your assets and children in the UK, and if your DP is not actively then they may well be suitable.