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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Money and house-not married

15 replies

FridayFeelingmidweek · 28/09/2024 04:45

Not married, with young children (yes, I know not being married leaves me financially vulnerable but that's where I am).

Ex has moved out. I can afford the mortgage and bills on my own but can't afford to buy him out. Can I stay in the home until the kids are 18? Want to avoid solicitors at this point as it's early stages. I assume his only gripe will be that he doesn't have a deposit to buy his own home, as he is currently renting (although he does earn 6 figures).

If we sell and share the equity (joint tenants so 50/50), I could afford to buy/get a mortgage but it would be very tight and I also need to start ploughing money into my pension. So I would rather stay in the family home as I can afford to, it keeps the children settled and I can save a bit.

Thanks - I'm up worrying about this, hence the 4am post.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 28/09/2024 05:05

I'm really sorry.

Unless he agrees (and he'd be mad to agree) then staying there until the kids are 18 isn't a right you have.

amothersinstinct · 28/09/2024 06:36

What you are asking for is a Mesher order - it's very rare these days as it's not fair on the other party to lock up their likely biggest asset in a house because they likely can't afford to buy anywhere either.

As part of my divorce and having young children under school age I agreed with ex he wouldn't get his share until they started school and childcare costs had come down (so about 2.5 years)

Skate76 · 28/09/2024 06:39

You would be mad to cover the mortgage yourself while he owns 50% of the equity.

TiramisuThief · 28/09/2024 06:46

You could ask to stay for a year or two to get your finances in order & save for a mortgage.

He doesn't have to agree and as you're not married you don't have any rights other than 50% of the equity.

MillyMollyMandHey · 28/09/2024 06:58

Ex has moved out. I can afford the mortgage and bills on my own but can't afford to buy him out. Can I stay in the home until the kids are 18?

No. Tbh your chance of this would still be pretty much nil, even if you were married.

You'll have to sell and split proceeds 50/50 and lodge an application for child support via cms. If he wants the DC 50/50 then this would be minimal also

millymollymoomoo · 28/09/2024 07:02

You can’t get a mesher as you’re not married

Even you were married there’s no automatic right to remain in the house until 18, especially if that’s a long time ( where they are awarded it tends to be where kids are mid teens to avoid disruption for a few years)

you will need to sell ( unless he agrees not to for a while)
you’ve ready said you could buy elsewhere with a mortgage ( what about cms?) it’s not right to tie up his capital fir lengthy period either while you get sole benefit of the asset.

DustyLee123 · 28/09/2024 07:03

I think your priority right now is a roof over your head, not a pension.

millymollymoomoo · 28/09/2024 07:04

@Skate76 not really as he has no benefit of the use and is incurring rent elsewhere so it’s quite fair really

Original poster
FridayFeelingmidweek · 28/09/2024 07:52

Thanks all. All really useful comments. Sounds like I need to try to have a talk to ex. Appreciate everyone's comments.

Regarding pension, it's a very important factor. Luckily I'm not worrabout a roof over my head as I can afford that, it was just a matter of not uprooting the children, but I guess lots of people do it so it will be ok.

Someone said I'd be mad to pay all the mortgage. Possibly, but he is having to rent which will cost the same, plus he is expecting to contribute towards the children.

You've all really helped me this morning! Thanks :)

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 28/09/2024 08:04

Someone said I'd be mad to pay all the mortgage. Possibly, but he is having to rent which will cost the same,
The reason they said this is because you are increasing his share of equity when only you is paying for it. You pay in thousands but he/you walks away with extra thousands due to house prices going up. It's not about equal paying out, it's about the profit coming back.

Sell the house and buy elsewhere whilst he's still in a decent enough mood. Once he realises about cms he is more likely to make your life miserable regarding EA and conveyancing solicitors and signatures /agreements.

Soontobe60 · 28/09/2024 08:05

amothersinstinct · 28/09/2024 06:36

What you are asking for is a Mesher order - it's very rare these days as it's not fair on the other party to lock up their likely biggest asset in a house because they likely can't afford to buy anywhere either.

As part of my divorce and having young children under school age I agreed with ex he wouldn't get his share until they started school and childcare costs had come down (so about 2.5 years)

They’re not married so a Mesher order won’t apply.

millymollymoomoo · 28/09/2024 09:16

@LittleGreenDragons yes but he is spending thousands on rent while op in that scenario gains from the use of his investment. Thats why he retains his share even though op would pay the mortgage.
its perfectly fair as he cant access his money and invest it elsewhere so it would be wrong for op to get 100% of its benefit and increase

Skate76 · 28/09/2024 10:22

millymollymoomoo · 28/09/2024 07:04

@Skate76 not really as he has no benefit of the use and is incurring rent elsewhere so it’s quite fair really

You'll feel differently when you come to sell it and he takes half the money without having paid half. Especially if you'll pay it until kids are 18. He'll have bought himself somewhere else by then and will have a very nice bonus.

millymollymoomoo · 28/09/2024 11:06

He will have paid though. You are totally missing the point. His capital is tied up , and he’d be paying rent, he would deserve ( and legally this is the position) to benefit from that

I don’t feel any different at all. It’s the right scenario

otherwise sell up, split it 50:50 release his capital and both buy somewhere where you are each individually responsible for your own bills and get yo keep your own equity.

LittleGreenDragons · 28/09/2024 13:59

millymollymoomoo · 28/09/2024 09:16

@LittleGreenDragons yes but he is spending thousands on rent while op in that scenario gains from the use of his investment. Thats why he retains his share even though op would pay the mortgage.
its perfectly fair as he cant access his money and invest it elsewhere so it would be wrong for op to get 100% of its benefit and increase

Edited

I wasn't disagreeing.

She will be increasing his "investment " at her detriment whilst paying the mortgage on the matrimonial house.

Some people only see the now, then get mightily pissed off when thy realise they've been effectively lining the Xs pockets. She needs to sell it and go for a clean break.

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