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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Death of an ex inlaw

12 replies

LostPuppy · 26/09/2024 12:15

Hi all

Wanted to hear opinions on whether it's appropriate to send a sympathy card to my ex father in law.

He and his wife were my second parents for 25 years, and I have shed many tears since learning of her passing, but I was told not to speak to them during an acrimonious divorce.

Should I write to him or not?

OP posts:
Booksandflowers · 26/09/2024 12:17

Who said not to speak to them?

shellyleppard · 26/09/2024 12:18

I would send a sympathy card. You were part of each others lives for a long time so personally I would

shellyleppard · 26/09/2024 12:18

Also depends on who said not to.... was it the ex husband??? Or someone else x sorry for your loss x

Harassedevictee · 26/09/2024 12:38

Yes I would send a sympathy card.

Original poster
LostPuppy · 26/09/2024 12:41

Booksandflowers · 26/09/2024 12:17

Who said not to speak to them?

My ex wife.

OP posts:
mushpush · 26/09/2024 12:46

I probably wouldn't - I understand you knew them for a long time but I would just process my grief without contacting the surviving partner, your ex wife has lost her mum and her dad has lost his wife - if you hadn't been told to go no contact it may have been appropriate, but otherwise I wouldn't see this as a time to ignore that.

If you'd maintained contact with them since the divorce then it would be more appropriate imo - to decide to break the no contact requested of you during a time of grief would be inserting yourself and your feelings where it is perhaps not needed right now.

heldinadream · 26/09/2024 12:47

Yes I would send a card. I'm sorry for your loss, and you lost them once in the divorce and now have lost her again in death.
Take care of yourself. Flowers

RenoDakota · 26/09/2024 13:14

I would definitely send a card, OP. It shows thoughtfulness and respect, and ongoing care for your previous relationship with them.
And, frankly, I don't really think your exes no contact demands fit with something as important as this.

Original poster
LostPuppy · 26/09/2024 15:26

Seems the feeling is more yes than no. I'm going to send a card I think.

Thanks all

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 26/09/2024 15:33

Your wife didn’t want her parents to have a relationship with other you after your divorce which was absolutely understandable. The current situation is different. As PPs said it‘d show thoughtfulness and respect.

Original poster
LostPuppy · 26/09/2024 15:55

pizzaHeart · 26/09/2024 15:33

Your wife didn’t want her parents to have a relationship with other you after your divorce which was absolutely understandable. The current situation is different. As PPs said it‘d show thoughtfulness and respect.

Actually, the issue was she didn't want me speaking to her father because he knows that I'm not the man she told the court, and he would have damaged her case which was lies from start to finish.

My children know it, so I'm over it now, but it was a disgrace.

OP posts:
Tara336 · 26/09/2024 15:58

Definitely send a card, I was terribly upset when ex MIL died but couldn't go to the funeral because of COVID and limited numbers (also because it would not occur to twat ex I may want to pay my respects) it shows you care

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