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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Traumatised, what is this?

10 replies

Mardipardi · 25/09/2024 15:45

For the last two years and much more so since spring 2023, DH has been distant. He has a relatively new bunch of friends mostly divorced or separated and began frequenting a bar which is known for Tinder hook ups. I told him I wanted out of the relationship but crumbled and gave another chance. Fast forward to May this year and found out a very heavy porn addiction and photos/videos of topless women taken whilst on family holidays wtf. Needless to say, I have finally found my senses and we are separating. This is the background, but if this wasn’t enough, my trauma comes from some images (from a decade ago) I found of him sat up in bed, his laptop open, webcam on, his face appears, then he turns his laptop to focus on me. I am sleeping and am topless. There are three of these videos very close in time to one another and he always does the same thing, turns the laptop to film me for around 15 seconds each time. Given the Gisele Pelicot case, I am wondering what on earth he is doing? Any idea????

OP posts:
Mayflower282 · 25/09/2024 15:55

Gets turned on by it, watches it later when he is “enjoying” himself. Divorce him, this is invasive behaviour.

AEP123 · 25/09/2024 15:57

I don’t understand the last part of your post. Did that actually happen? The ‘images of him sat up in bed’ physical images? Who took the images? Images as in memory, or mental/imagination?

his face appears.. where? In the images? In your mind? A dream? I’m so confused

Mardipardi · 25/09/2024 16:05

AEP123 · 25/09/2024 15:57

I don’t understand the last part of your post. Did that actually happen? The ‘images of him sat up in bed’ physical images? Who took the images? Images as in memory, or mental/imagination?

his face appears.. where? In the images? In your mind? A dream? I’m so confused

The videos are his face and bare chest sat up in bed (the webcam is on him) he then turns the laptop towards me and films me. To give a bit more info, i have found more videos and intimate pics taken of me without my consent (whilst sleeping or with his mobile placed where I cannot see it whilst I am naked) but this short videos are very disturbing. It is like he is showing (someone?) that I am beside him sleeping….😳 when confronted he denies he I was being streamed but the trust is long gone.

OP posts:
Mardipardi · 25/09/2024 16:06

It happened, it is not a dream!

OP posts:
EngineEngineNumber9 · 25/09/2024 16:08

I think filming you naked while asleep is a crime. You could go to the police with this.

https://metro.co.uk/2020/01/29/filming-someone-sleep-naked-illegal-court-says-12145456/amp/

WitchyBits · 25/09/2024 16:14

Please please please go to the police about this. Stand up for yourself and let the law teach him a lesson. This is a horrific invasion of privacy from an incredibly entitled man.

Mardipardi · 25/09/2024 16:15

EngineEngineNumber9 · 25/09/2024 16:08

I think filming you naked while asleep is a crime. You could go to the police with this.

https://metro.co.uk/2020/01/29/filming-someone-sleep-naked-illegal-court-says-12145456/amp/

Edited

Thanks 🙏🏻 for the link. I read somewhere on another thread that there are very dark websites that only allow access if you show your partner. Could this be a possibility? The videos are too short for him to get any sexual gratification from.

OP posts:
Mardipardi · 25/09/2024 16:20

WitchyBits · 25/09/2024 16:14

Please please please go to the police about this. Stand up for yourself and let the law teach him a lesson. This is a horrific invasion of privacy from an incredibly entitled man.

Indeed, entitled to the hilt. It is the whole treating women as an object for a man’s use that is so sickening but if, on top of that, it is your DH, it hurts like hell.

OP posts:
EngineEngineNumber9 · 25/09/2024 16:21

Mardipardi · 25/09/2024 16:15

Thanks 🙏🏻 for the link. I read somewhere on another thread that there are very dark websites that only allow access if you show your partner. Could this be a possibility? The videos are too short for him to get any sexual gratification from.

I don’t know about these dark websites but that does sound plausible, to be honest. He may have been testing the waters or something. It’s all very very horrible and I hope you can report him if you feel comfortable. I understand if you can’t face it though. He has committed a crime.

Again I’m so sorry this has happened to you. 💐

AEP123 · 25/09/2024 22:27

Ohhhhh my apologies! I read it over and over and don’t catch on that he had obviously videoed himself then turned it around on you while sleeping, that makes sense now.

That’s quite creepy though I have to be honest. I would have felt so uncomfortable

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