Financial separation but still living together – how does it work?

[Suddenlygettingdivorced]

DH wants us to financially separate but remain married and living together until the children are older. I'm not necessarily opposed to this – if we're going to divorce anyway it seems logical for us to start the process and get the finances sorted now then when the time comes it'll be one less thing to do (we're tenants in common of our house so I'm hoping that when we sell it that should be fairly straightforward).

I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through a financial separation while still being married/living together and can walk me through what this looks like? For background neither of us have debts or CCJs, but DH does earn a lot more than me (I've been working part time since DCs were born but would very likely need to get a full time job to pay my share if we financially separate).

Something I am conscious of is his pension. I haven't paid into a pension for 10 years while I've been doing the majority of the childcare, but DH's is worth a fair bit so if this formed part of the financial separation it could really work in my favour.

You need to talk to a solicitor. This doesn't sound feasible.

No no no. Don't agree to this! Living together when separated will be horrendous for everyone and set such a bad example to the children.

All assets including any pensions go into the pot.
in the meantime, is he going to cover all bills in proportion to your respective earnings or alternatively put in the equivalent CMS to the pot or pay you for the additional childcare you provide? Or some other arrangement? And will he do half drop offs / pick ups and pay half childcare so you can return to work full time? I’d separate out the chores too, don’t cook or do his laundry etc.

That’s not a good idea. You’d be entitled to half of all marital assets from a long marriage. If you claim your half now rather than at the point of divorce, you’re going to lose out on thousands.
What does he mean by financial separation? Will you have to pay 50% of all bills like mortgage and childcare ? Will he be doing 50% of the unpaid work around the house or does he expect to work his current hours and not have to do the stuff that you may do like take the day off work if your child is ill, collect from school at 3pm?
How’s it going to work in practice ? If he finds someone new who he’d like to be serious with then are you going to live with her too?
I think that you need to look into why he wants to remain married because I think he wants to shaft you financially. Is he due a pay rise that he doesn’t want to share with you ?

If you divorce in say 5 years time, you’ll still have the hassle of waiting for a house sale to get your hands on your share of the equity if that’s where the majority of your assets will be.

@Gardenlover121 Thank you, this is the route we'd be going down.

For other responders, I appreciate this might sound nuts but we have a child with complex needs and it really is best for us to stay living together for the time being. We emotionally separated years ago and we're both at peace with this. Obviously if either one of us met someone else we'd need to reevaluate but honestly, neither of us have the time or inclination for that right now.

@SonicTheHodgeheg Lots of food for thought there, thank you.

It’s more the case that you jointly own all the assets because you are married. Thats the actual legal commitment, you because a couple whose wealth and income are combined. On divorce those assets are distributed between you.

How they are distributed is where the context matters. Two adults who have been married a long time and who are earning broadly the same amount with no dependents and of a similar age and health are likely to split it 50:50. Others no so much.

If one of you earns a lot less, and is prevented from working or career advancement because of age, health or dependents then the share of assets isn’t going to be 50:50.

There is a lot of advantage for a higher earner to propose that you stay married until the child stop being dependent and you reinstate your career. Whether there is any advantage for you or the children is another story.

The basis on which you would distribute marital assets now and in the future is completely different. He is just making sure that by the time you divorce you will have upped your hours and paid into a pension.

You still haven't explained how this will work financially. 50/50 or what? That makes a huge difference. It could be very messy.

If you get divorced now and make a settlement it will be based on his and your current assets. If you leave it you could get more if his pension has increased substantially and I think this is what he is trying to entice you with.

He's trying to protect his pension. Get legal advice!

If you accept 50% of the equity today then are you going to run into trouble when you want to secure a place to live in say 10 years and prices have gone up since you took your share of the equity?

Is it even possible to financially seperate but not divorce? Marriage is being legally one unit isn't it? Does he mean divorce but continue to live together?

I suppose you could seperate your finances and then have legal paperwork drawn up which ring fence certain assets to freeze them as they currently stand.

I too would be wary that this isn't a way to ensure you lose out op. This strange halfway house doesn't seem like a good idea.

I recommend you seek your own legal advice and see where you stand if you trigger a full divorce process. You may need to protect yourself. Don't forget, if separation has been on the cards for a while then it will have been on his mind. There are lots of ways in which someone can hide or minimise their assets if they need to. I wouldn't assume he has your best interests at heart.

We separated a year ago and remained living together, he’ll be moving out in about a month. It didn’t make sense to us to financially separate while cohabiting as shared costs are still shared costs. We’ll do that when I buy him out and shared child Costs will be shared. I don’t entirely trust his motivation for suggesting this.

Think we need more details. How will you split bills? If he lived separately and had your child 50% you’d have lower living costs and more spare time in which to work. It would disadvantage you to do the bulk of childcare and also be expected to match any financial contribution he’s making.