Hi all, I’m not sure if I’m asking for advice or seeking reassurance?
i know reading threads and seeing others experience the same issues as me does help and make me feel less alone.
Anyway me and my ex separated 18months ago…currently slowly going through a divorce and mediation.
We share care for our daughter 50/50…neither of us would like any less to be honest.
The separation was a sad affair really, I decided after years of a sexless marriage and no intimacy I’d had enough…it limped on for counselling as ex described it as cheaper then divorce with me ultimately deciding to leave after I think I had given up…saw no way out of it.
we did work well as a parenting team and although he couldn’t show me much love (in ways I needed) he showers our little girl with all his time and attention. To the point where I sometimes felt like I didn’t even exist in the family home. But she is a very loved little girl!!
Moving on we are amicable and get on well co parenting. We update and send photos, will have family days together (or less so as time has moved on) and attend all school events etc together.
However, sometimes I feel so frustrated…I was asked to leave the family home as it was my decision to leave and he found it too hard to have me there so I had to be out in a couple of weeks so I had to find a rented place quickly which was really expensive for me to run. I understand how hard it would be to have me there so I did everything I was asked.
He has bought me out and maintained the family home.
He kept most of the furniture and gave me all the stuff he was going to through out to buy brand new furniture etc. anything new I wasn’t allowed to take.
Both cars were under his business and he cancelled mine but kept his. So I’ve now bought my own car.
He gave me the child benefits after I was struggling to make ends meet for buying food etc. And I asked in mediation if I could have it transferred to me.
He has said he will split the house money but has said I am not allowed to take the business into account as it has nothing to do with me (when I described it was one of the reasons our marriage failed - he works 6/7days a week- he said no it isn’t) and I can understand why he would be reluctant for that.
he does not give me any maintenance as we care for Mollie 50/50
but he does buy her clothes toys every week (which i do have concerns bout) and she is allowed to bring them to mine without complaint.
He takes her away on holidays and away to London every other month. So she wants for nothing- even to the point where I am concerned how excessive it is.
Ive had to access universal credit as I’m struggling money wise at times.
But the thing im most frustrated is the friends I’ve lost. He regularly sees and speaks to the parents of my little girls friends, arranges days out with them. Signs her up to local groups without discussion and knows all the people.
He has always been very much man of the community, knowing all the local information, networking etc. I’m not like that although I’m always friendly and chatty to people.
Whereas I was in contact with these people prior to the separation but following they have drifted way from me…I chased them for months and got cancelled on, struggled to get messages back etc. I was told at one point that one of them had told someone it made them feel awkward.
I take it on the chin because i think it was my decision to leave and so it’s my outcomes that I have to take. But I get frustrated that a lot of the time I feel like my whole life has been turned upside down and nothing has changed for him. And sometimes I’m made to feel like I’m the babysitter, which is how I felt in the family home. That I barely get a say in my own child…
sometimes I worry that he is the better parent.
congratulations if you got to the end of this post haha!
many thanks xx