Rights over children

[LucyintheSky21]

Hi there,

I am trying to find out some information for my friend which would help her in her current situation if she knew her rights. Unfortunately I am not sure what the answer is here. My friend broke up with her long-term partner I’d say a year and a half ago. They have four children together, all the children were living with her initially and the relationship with their Dad wasn’t the best due to the nature of the relationship between the mum and Dad and the reasons they split up (abusive but not physically violent).

My friend has tried to keep the children away from their Dad. He doesn’t pose a risk to them but she now hates him since their break up. Anyway, to cut a long story short… two of the four children have decided that they want to now live with their Dad and she just has the other two living with her. I personally believe this to be because they don’t like their mum’s new boyfriend, however my friend is not happy. She is planning to get a family solicitor to try and get her two children back so that all four are living with her. The two children who are currently with their Dad are 11 and 14.

The question my friend and I are trying to find the answer to, is can the two children be ‘made’ to come back to their mum if they do not want to? Due to their ages, are they considered old enough to make that choice, or can they be ‘made’ to come home to their mum by a solicitor or maybe social services?

If anyone knows the answer, that would be great. Thanks for reading.

At those ages, their wants will be listened to.

What is the issue with her new boyfriend?

The 14 year old absolutely, will be able to do whatever they want the 11 year old will certainly be listened too..

I think tbh the best thing she can do is to start understanding what the issue with the children and listen - not make her own mind up ..

she needs to consider what the children think of boyfriend - the two others may follow

The only ones with rights are the children. They have a right to a relationship with both parents.

The childrens’s wishes will be taken into account and really she needs to examine why they dont like her new bf and maybe stop seeing him if she wants to get her children back.

Firstly this isn’t about her rights. You don’t have rights over children. You have responsibilities.

Unless the father is an immediate danger to the children, she has a very very low chance of being able to force the kids back into living with her. The children are of an age where they can choose.

Your ‘friend’ needs to really look at her own behaviour. She may hate the ex. He might have been a twat. But she has, according to you, actively tried to keep them away from their Dad and then imposed someone on their lives that they do not like. Even if he doesn’t live there, they are obviously being forced to spend time with him.

Her behaviour has, at the very least, contributed to this outcome. And her trying to force them home is just going to push them further away. She needs to stop prioritising what she believes her rights are. She doesn’t have the right to force the children to live with her.

Your friend sounds awful by trying to keep the children from their dad because she doesn’t like him. You reep what you sow

the children will not be made to return to the mum and based on your post neither should they be

tell her to grow up, stop treating her children as pawns and start acting like a mother.

She put her feelings about her ex infront of what was important for her children which is having a relationship with both parents.

Children have a right to a relationship with both parents. Your friend doesn't have 'rights' over her children. The fact she dislikes her ex, is not a reason to try and ailenate her children from their Dad. She now has a boyfriend that at least two of her children dislike so much, they are now living with their Dad. She can't 'force' the children to return. She'll push them away even further, until they may not want a relationship with her. At 14 and 11, both are old enough to know what they want and will be listened too.

Children have rights, parents have responsibilities. The 14 yead old will be able to chose, 11 year old will be listened to. My XH is an abusive arsehole, but he's still my DC dad so I don't deny them a relationship because I can't stand him, that would be about me, not what's best for them. Your friend has done the wrong thing here, denying a relationship with their dad is harming her children. She needs to go to mediation and get it sorted so all 4 children can see both parents. She should count herself lucky if their dad isn't taking her to court to see the other two, which he should be doing unless they're older than the 14 year old. Denying contact because she doesn't like him, as opposed to because she has valid safety concerns is her harming her children. She might lose all four if she continues down this path and she will certainly damage them all if she doesnt step up and put them first. She should be acting in the best interests of her children, not putting her feelings before their needs.

Thank you for the replies, very helpful. To be honest, I’m not too sure what this about the new boyfriend that two of the children aren’t keen on. She has always maintained that they really liked him to begin with, and she believes that her ex partner is dripping poison into their ears and that it’s him making them not want to live with her and new boyfriend. Whilst I know that her ex isn’t a pleasant person or certainly there is no love lost between my friend and him, I agree he is their Dad and it is their choice. I also believe she’s putting her new boyfriend before the children but when I have tried to say this to my friend, she got upset and annoyed and told me that the children are ‘just as’ important as the boyfriend. This horrifies me, but as a friend I have to stay supportive. I just wondered what ‘rights’ she might have, as her new boyfriend seems to think that if they go to a family solicitors and say the ex is bad so to speak, that the children who have gone to live with Dad will be made to come back. And to be honest, I thought with them being under 16 that the children might not be old enough to make their choice themselves. But thank you very much for the advice and guidance. I haven’t got to know the new boyfriend too well, but I’ve had a feeling from the start that he’s quite manipulative but not in a way that my friend can see. She seems completely infatuated with him. Even when I see her, she is glued to her phone in contact with her, even when he knows she has met up with a friend if he is available and not working he will spend the whole time sending her long messages which she will stop and read and reply to, instead of saying she’s just with a friend for an hour having a coffee or whatever. To me, that seems controlling but I have brought it up before and get nowhere.

new boyfriend seems awful too

poor kids

he seems to want them back more than she does. Why is that? I’d be suspicious on that

tiur friend needs to put her children first, ditch the bloke, work on her relationship with the children with no ties/oressures and not bad mouthing their dad or trying to stop them seeing him ( irrespective of her feelings towards him)

So what knowledge does the boyfriend have to be so sure the kids will be forced back there?

Has he been involved in a case like this before? Is he going to pay the mother’s legal fees?

Sounds like he's suggesting their claim the father is unfit in some way, that's wrong if it's a lie. Honestly, at that age they can choose, the courts listen to children