Should I change my surname back to my maiden name with a 20-year career behind me

[Dyslexiaismysuperpower]

I'm in process of getting divorced, and trying to decide whether to change my surname back to my maiden name. My current surname, which I took from my ex-husband, is from another European country. As it's not a British surname, I often get asked about the origins of my surname, i.e. where are you from? This wasn't a problem as I could just explain I took it from my husband. But now that I'm getting divorced, I don't particularly want to have to explain my surname comes from my ex!

However, I have been working in my field for 20 years and have built up a solid reputation; and in fact, having an unusual surname made my identity slightly more memorable.

I don't have a problem with my maiden name - it's just a common English surname. So my dilemma isn't about the sound/look of the surname but how it will affect my career. I guess another aspect is having to explain each time that I'm divorced, hence the change of surname; but, perhaps, being open with my relationship status change is healthy anyway!

Should I, a) Change my surname back to my maiden name? b) Stick with the married surname?

Thanks soo much for your help with this, going through a divorce is an unbelievably difficult journey to navigate...

Anyone...? Thanks!

I’d change my surname back to my maiden name.

Won’t it be a bit of a pita changing your surname back though?

My DM kept her surname when she got divorced but as she had 2 DC (me and DB) we all shared the same surname so it was probably easier to have all surname rather than her keep her maiden name.

Could you double-barrel for the moment, with his name first? So it comes up in any search? Then gradually drop his bit.

Yes, that's a good idea, hadn't considered that.

The only thing is I'd still need to explain it to people when I meet, but yes a good way to transition into using my maiden name longer term...

I didn't bother, it had been my name for nearly half my life. I am changing it when I remarry though

I’d say if you’re happy to, stick with it or double barrel! You‘ve built up your reputation in a field and shouldn’t lose it. Only if you’re comfortable with it of course.

I did, back from married very traditional English name to maiden very traditional English name. It was a bit of a faff (I was a limited company) but felt so much better. Have kept my name since remarrying.

I had the opposite issue and I trialled my married name for a while and then went back to my maiden name because it was causing confusion amongst external services and they thought I was two separate people. So I think it depends on how important reputation is for securing work in your sector? You could just say it's a family name and give no further info. Or if it's really bothering you then just go back to maiden and be prepared to correct people. I think you can set emails etc up to filter through so you'll still get any sent in your married name.

I’d say B, stick with it for professional reasons. No reason to potentially let your career to take a hit for a name change, if you are comfortable with keeping it.

Could you just say “oh it’s of French* *origin” and change the subject, rather than explain it’s your ex name? (insert name of country)

If you want to change it then I would. It seems weird at first getting used to calling someone a different name but you get used it very quickly.

I’d stick with it and just have a short answer ready if someone asks - eg, it’s French. From personal experience people ask a lot less those “where are you really from?” types of questions these days anyway

Amazing, thanks all. Lots of food for thought! I guess there are three options really: a) Change my surname back to my maiden name b) Stick with the married surname c) Employ a double-barrel and then slowly revert to the maiden name. I think I'm going to think about it for a few more months, then reach a final decision.

I have kids and they have my husband's surname, so that's another complexity...

One thing I'm sure of though, I will never take on the man's surname if I remarry!!!

I would just leave it for now if the kids have that name, they might have all kinds of emotions about you moving to a different name. Unless you mean adult children.