When and how to pause the process

[yawnanotherone]

I've been going hell for leather on sorting life out since my ex dropped the bombshell that he both cheated and lost his job because of said cheating. As well as other affairs over the years. I think my coping mechanism was to get things done and dusted re divorce as soon as I could because that would somehow make everything ok.

So six months on, he has moved out (subletting), still isnt working and I am responsible now for pretty much everything with teen DCs, family house, dog, finances.

I had a really good chat with a divorce 'coach' who advised me to slow down, wait until the dust settles and not to make rash decisions in the rush to get things signed and sealed. Probably good advice that I will take, plus at the minute he isn't earning so it may(?) be a worse outcome for me?

The conditional order bit of the process is next on 4 October. My question is, do I apply for that then pause or pause before that? I don't want to have to start the process again when the time is right so want to make sure I do it at a point that means it is easy to pick up again and doesn't leave me out of pocket.

Honestly I'd get it all done and dusted now/. Having this hang over your head won't help you move on.

If he did have a job the judge would expect him to get another one, so that won't help him when it comes to the financial settlement.

If you can live with splitting assets in half then I'd just crack on.

Alternatively how long are you happy to wait?

Get it done

the longer it takes the more the solicitor earns

DH's ex kept pausing the process. Her settlement in the end was backdated to when they separated, it didn't get her any further forward

Barring disability or other big issues, during the financial arrangements he will be expected to return to work full time. Being unemployed (without reason) does not give him automatic rights to a bigger share of the marital pot.

I'd get it done with so you can draw a line and move on. My divorce pumped on for 4 years, wish I'd been able to wrap it up sooner but my Rx is a dick and wanted the world on a stick, didn't get anywhere close

Interesting, I thought that I should wait until he sorts himself out - because I have no idea what his future ability to support the DC would be. They are with me all the time, they don't want to spend time with him, so right now I need more equity to be able to have them full time until they move out. I was advised by someone not to make quick decisions on the house that I might regret.

I tried mediation but he used it like a therapy session and it was always about him. Plus have spoke to a few solicitors but didnt gel with any of them. I guess I don't know how to move it forward now.