What can I do to prepare myself for divorce?

[Dogsarebetterthanmen]

(Name changed for privacy).

I have realised that my DH will never change and that I need to divorce him (repeated infidelity - on his side - plus workaholism, and general lack of support and love, etc).

He doesn’t yet know my views so, in theory, I could delay the decision for a month or two to put myself in the best possible place financially, emotionally and physically. I’ve been putting off the decision as have been worried for the kids but have realised how unhappy I’ve become lately by pretending all is ok, and worry that I’ll fall apart if the pretence carries on.

Is there anything you would have done if you’d known in advance that your marriage would end?

I was thinking of doing online counselling by myself to make sure I’m emotionally stronger, maybe joining a gym to lose weight, and perhaps starting to start getting on top of the finances so I know the incomings and joint assets better than I do now? I realise I will need to support the kids through the process and want to ‘fill my own jug’ so I can do this.

Anything else? What would you have done if you’d known in advance you would be separating?

Finances, definitely. Hard to give specific advice without more detail. Are you working? Do you own or rent currently? What money would you quickly have access to, ideally that he can’t touch? What kind of home can you afford on your income only? Do a benefits check if applicable. Work out a budget including retirement planning. Gather as much info as possible about your assets, earnings, pensions to figure out what you’re likely to end up with and have a guess what the points of contention or compromise might be (eg often the higher earner wants to keep more of their pension, the main carer wants to keep the house).

How old are your kids and what sort of custody arrangement would you want or expect him to want? If you want more than 50% check cms calculation and consider how you will argue for this arrangement (I think 50/50 is default now).

Since it doesn’t sound like he’s abusive, I’d consider whether you’ll be financially better off by delaying, especially if the kids are still young and you are the main carer. I’m not saying to keep pretending it’s all okay, you can emotionally detach and plan for an eventual divorce, but think about divorce as a financial decision rather than an emotional one. It’s separate from the question of whether you have a good romantic relationship.