How do I get my husband to show he wants to make things better without divorce

[Mumoffour168]

Hi I’m a mum of 4 young children youngest is 1 and one of my children is severely disabled and requires 24 hour care. My husband is very good in many ways we work as a team with the kids etc but every couple of weeks we will have a disagreement and he is so so stubborn he just won’t back down even if it means me in tears it doesn’t bother him. And you know sometimes you just think you aren’t really bothered about me and I just want there to be a way for him to realise and fight for us - he seems so indifferent sometimes and our (my) happiness. He’s amazing with the kids, but just things will happen and I have no way (I feel) of showing my annoyance / upset as my words don’t seem to cut it. So I end up saying about separation which feels extreme, but you know like say pre kids you could have time out from eachother and make it clear how hurt you were there’s none of those levers anymore as life keeps going. I don’t even know what I’m trying to ask here this is my first post but hopefully someone gets where I’m coming from tia xxx

You can’t, I’m afraid. Only he can do that.

It doesn’t sound like a mature dynamic. Without anyone observing the way you interact it’s impossible to say whether it can be improved.

like the pp said he needs to want to change and maybe he doesn’t. All you can do is change the way you respond to what he does.

I would say a disagreement is just that. It doesn’t mean anyone has to back down. If you don’t agree on something you can only accept the disagreement or like you say split up. It depends on what you disagree over whether this is a deal breaker or not.

But if you want to split do it because it is over. It would be immature and coercive to split in order to compel a change in someone. Split up because the relationship is over.

I’m not really sure what you mean by “our” and “my” happiness - is this you and him. Who are you speaking for.?