Moved out - does the anxiety subside?

[DoubtjngThomas]

Finally moved out last week which was the right thing but am crippled by anxiety and doubt.

I am worried about everything, having been part of a couple my whole adult life.

I am informally renting a lovely old house but it is big and drafty giving rise to worry about what sort of energy bills to expect.
I have been signed off work for a month but am due to go back next week; again I'm worried about coping. It's a new job and I was really struggling before I went off. Additionally we complete on our house sale the same time as I return to work and there is still much to sort.

DD 18 is here but Im worried about her and logistics of getting her to school / see her Dad.

Everything is so overwhelming I have been put on Fluoxetine, Diazepam and Propanol but feel very dark and scared. I get panic attacks and heart palpitations.

Please tell me it gets easier. My life has been such chaos for so long I don't think I know how to be on my own even though it's something I yearned for, for so long.

It will get easier. Some questions though

Why are you renting a big, draught old house just for you and DD? Can you look for somewhere smaller? A 2 bed newbuild for example?

DD is 18. Can she not get herself around?

It gets better. A lot better. Write everything down and then break it down into manageable chunks. You don't have to do everything all at once.

WRT the house sale, just take the things you absolutely can't be without (either irreplaceable family stuff or expensive things you need, but can't now afford). Everything else can be left. Your ex can sort that, it's time to be selfish.

WRT your housing, whilst it might not be your forever home, it is your for now home. You are safe and have breathing space to sort yourself out. Your daughter is 18, she can work things out regarding school. Her father can help her with visiting him, that is not your responsibility.

Break it down, breathe, you've got this. Well done for getting this far, it is hard, but it gets better. You've got this. 💐

It really does get easier. I was pretty co dependent on my abusive ex H (and am deaf). He had nothing to with kids so it was down to me to start sorting stuff out. I was a nervous wreck but truly lovey, give yourself time. Do you have any support?

That said, you will get past the terrible running on anxiety feelings. It will take time (obviously every one is different) but life will settle again. Take care x

Until I can buy again I don't meet the minimum income threshold to rent. It's ridiculous but rental properties round here are scare so landlords are highly selective.
This place belongs to a friend of a friend and although not ideal it is a temporary roof over our heads which I am very grateful for.

We live pretty rurally and although DD is learning to drive she is still dependant on being given lifts at the moment.

I am mostly worried about returning to work; I'd only been with the organisation 3 months before being signed off. The job itself is massively different to the job description with a huge workload and that coupled with my personal circumstances tipped me over the edge.

I was hoping that by the time I returned next week I would feel stronger but at the moment I really don't

I have quite similar issues with my job in that the stress of that I can cope with and the stresses of my marriage I can cope with but when both come together it pushes me to the edge. I haven't been signed off but I am taking anti-depressants and having to work flexibly around it.

Try to deal with them individually? Look for a new position if this is stressing you out. I had a colleague who had a stroke this time last year and work related stress was given as part of the reason...that was a wake up call to us all. Meanwhile, when you are there, just phone it in...do what you need to do to get through each day. You don't need to take responsibility for poor management of staff workload. Raise it if you feel able to...recruiting staff is expensive and they obviously wanted you enough to employ you so will be keen to retain you. Easier said than done I know!

Can DD arrange with friends to help with getting to school etc...maybe some of them drive and you can offer fuel money even? I am planning to move out in October and will be based a lot more rurally compared to now when my DD (15) walks to school with friends. I understand it adds pressure as I've had to block my diary to ensure I can take/pick up her up from school but she can go to friends if I'm running late, or come 'home' to her father. They have a tricky relationship as well but I'm going to have to force him to still parent her so I can function.

I would also recommend personal counselling. Sounds like you are quite isolated with your thoughts and I know what that is like...catatrophising and overthinking constantly. I've been seeing a counsellor once a week and it's really saved me. Just hearing some of it out loud and being challenged on it has really helped. It's a safe space for me to get it out.

How are you feeling 7 months on op? Came across your thread as I am feeling similar. It’s grim.

Thank you for asking!
well 7 months on life is a lot more settled although I have just had an offer accepted on a house so we willl be on the move again.
life has taken on new normal and the stretches of time between attacks of anxiety have lengthened. I have found a confidence in being on my own with self belief that I can do this.

in terms of my ex, things were fairly horrid for about 6 months but we seemed to have a reached an understanding regarding DC. I still have bouts of sadness but established boundaries and don’t let him upset me any more.

if you’d asked me that I could
feel like this even 6 months ago I wouldn’t believe you. Last year was
horrendous. But I have survived and things are so much better being on my own. DC seem to have processed the split and seem happier than I have seen them in a long time.

you can do it!

Great feeling isn’t it!! Who knew.. well done you! 🤘

Always good to read a positive update @DoubtjngThomas though I appreciate things are still a work in progress and you’ve had a tough time.

Sorry you are feeling low @Wish44. What’s your situation? I’m three months out of a separation and am moving out of our home in a couple of months (ex has moved out but will be moving back in). I am struggling a bit too. It’s been really difficult and ex is being a pain.

Hi, yes it is great to read a positive update.

I feel like I don’t want to shade it by my horrid situation… that I can’t see getting any better… but mumsnet gives me hope 🙂

I hear you @Wish44. Have you separated yet or are getting to that point?
if it makes you feel any better it took me at least 5 years of realising my marriage was dead to finally separating. None of it was easy but was the right decision and I’m still upright!