Divorce is killing him….

[Weeeee]

How can I help my friend?

Initially amicable divorce and now, for no reason given, his ex has come on full force. By that I mean restricting his access to the kids (eg. not allowed to ring them, can only see them one day a week etc). Accusations of abuse/accusations of adultery, accusations that he is lying about money. All untrue but leaving his broken. She now wants 70% of all assets. She has refused mediation and all is heading to court.

I can’t even begin to express how much of a great man this person he is, a fantastic Dad. He has so much support in us his friends and family but this is pushing him to the brink of suicide.

How can help him? What can he do? His solicitor is very slow to respond to most things. He feels entirely lost. Are there any men out there who have been through similar?

Any help/advice would much appreciated.

You're his Dad's friend...🤔

You seem... overinvested.

OP, you can't know what goes on in a marriage, no matter what you think, but the place to resolve this is in court.

Your friend and his ex will each be able to present whatever evidence there is. The court will make an appropriate access order.

Your role is to be there when he needs to talk. Let the court process run its course.

Nasty!

Has he looked at Wikivorce online? There is lots of help and advice for people going through divorce and it’s free to access.
I am glad your friend had you to look out for him. Good luck.

@INeedAnotherName has great advice

The other thing I would add to this is: what does he actually want in respect of the children? So much of how the divorce will be finalised will depend on this. If his ex has been primary carer and will continue to be then 70% of assets is not unreasonable. So telling him that its not is not helpful.

If he wants 50-50 care, then is he putting himself in a position to provide that? eg does he have a flexible work arrangement so he can do the school run?

Divorce is hard on everyone. If his lawyer is too slow then he needs to tell her or him that and if things don't improve then find another one. He also needs to be sure that he is following his lawyers advice. Has he completed form E? Nothing can happen until both parties have.

But I would be very hesitant to believe everything he says. They are divorcing for a reason.

God you guys are nasty! My parents friends are my friends too and I see them as family so would want to help them any way I could. Honestly can't believe some of you guys.

We know the accusations are untrue, this has been admitted by his wife.

She admitted this to you, to your face? Or this is what your friend said?

I'll take a wild guess.

Op, not sure if you will read this but his parents need to be strong for him. Them being at their wits end I’ll just be making him feel worse. If he is struggling they need to encourage him to get mental health support.

But it’s highly likely, you don’t know the full story. But I find it very unlikely that a woman who is making false accusations to a court is then going to admit to her ex, his parents or his parents friends that it’s all lies.

You have to understand that the more people who get involved the worse this will be. Support your friends so they can support their son. That’s all you can do.

But mumsnet is a very strange place to come for advice from men. It’s a site predominantly used by women. And many of us have gone through bad divorces. My ex h tried all sorts. But I did what I advised here. He needs to go through the court process. If she isn’t entitled to 70% then she won’t get it. He needs to sort out what’s happening with the kids as part of the legal process.

Sadly it seems on Mumsnet women are always right and men are always wrong
Also if the woman was 'wrong' - it was the man who made her do it.

There are good men and good women-

Unfortunately by blaming all problems on men , women stop taking responsibility for anything
That is just throwing your power away.
Women are great.
Women are strong

You sound like a great woman/friend

Using these kids as pawns / not allowing access to their dad is cruel.

A better solicitor maybe the answer.

That's the problem of posting on a woman centric forum though, especially one that helps and supports abused women. Abused horrifically in some instances including when they are trying to escape from their marriage. It does skew our perceptions somewhat (especially if the pp has also been abused or controlled in a relationship at some point). If you want sympathy and help from a male point of view the rest of the Internet will aid you.

However. Divorce is pretty straightforward in so far as - get a solicitor to find out your rights. Then do as much as you can personally to keep costs down.
Any problems over joint children - get a solicitor to find out your rights.

But the OP seems to require emotional support for a male who is accusing his wife of abusive tactics. Most of us have heard that once too often. She might find better support from a male centric forum. Harsh but true.