Collaborative Law or no

[Rocketman2]

I found my narcissistic husband having an affair and told him to leave. I’ve got a solicitor and want to reach a financial settlement as I need security and to know where I am in my future. H has told his solicitor we will do this collaboratively.

my issue is, he argues for a living. Literally. (Can’t say too much as outing) but can charm anyone to get what he wants. I know that anything collaboratively with him will be disastrous for me.

am I wrong for this?? Will I end up a lot worse off??

Sounds like he is trying to control you and what happens next. Have you had mediation?

You will both have your solicitor in the room, from what I understand. You will discuss, round a table and if you don't agree with a point, you say so.

If it gets to the close and you haven't reached an agreement, you both sack your lawyers and start again (i'm sure that's not a good description, but that's how I heard it?)

It might stop him arguing or point scoring too much if both lawyers are there

Depends if he is narcissistic and what that means about his behaviour.

Depends on whether your marital finances are straightforward or complicated.

Depends on whether he can leverage the current situation to his advantage. For example if you are desperate for money or need to quickly progress the divorce.

The bottom line is that a narcissist won’t let go of a victim so they will use all and any part of the divorce process to keep you in their control. The collaborative process will just be one of many processes that gets derailed and delayed.

Its a good process for two people who both want to get divorced and are willing to agree a financial split that will be a win win.