Divorce at 64

[PilpaP]

Things have been difficult with my husband for a long time. He is very controlling and moody. Things came to a head and he has told me he wants to end the relationship.
I would love any thoughts on what I might be entitled to.
we have been married for 15 years, both have grown up kids from previous marriages. House is worth £100k mortgage free bought with equal deposit and payments. Always paid 50/50 on everything bills, mortgage, food etc. we both earn similar amounts. I have a small pension, he has investments worth £150,000 and cash in accounts of £70,000 that I know of. I have £30,000 in savings from my pension lump sum.
My worry is he wants to sell the house and split it 50/50 and each keep our savings however this would not give me enough to buy a new house and I would have to rent privately which is a huge difference in terms of quality of life and security. I am too old for a mortgage. Please help, I’m completely bewildered. I thought we would enjoy a modest retirement together and now I am worried about even having a roof over my head at my age. Thanks in advance. Any advice would be hugely appreciated

Will he consider marriage therapy. Maybe give home sometime to cool off . What are his reasons for wanting a divorce?
If he is determine to divorce then maybe legal advice to find out what you are entitled too.
Personally if you don’t want a divorce I would calmly explain that to him.

I have struggled for many years with the controlling behaviour to be honest. Always arguments if I ever wanted to see family or friends, threatening to change the locks if I went away with friends, moods lasting months. So I decided to stop accommodating this behaviour and this was the result. At this point I would rather live the rest of my life in peace than be subject to this as I can’t see him changing now.

Everything is marital, don’t let him tell you otherwise. Sounds like your needs will be very similar too. So a fair division would be everything in the pot, pensions, savings, equity, split 50/50. No Court would agree what he is proposing. Read up on everything to do with this, invest in legal advice if you need to, to show him you’re serious. And please, please don’t settle for less than you’re due just to be rid of him. He is wrong. You deserve a fair share of your marital assets. There are better times ahead.

Well what did you bring into the marriage? I’d say 50:50 on house then 50% of pensions /savings built up since marriage age. Pre marital assets excluded. Not saying that’s the law but would be a fair starting point based on being older when married, no joint children, etc

If you earn similar how has he accrued those assets and you have not ?

Yes it would be likely to be 50/50 on all assets, on this information.

So with £100k equity plus £250k savings you ought to be getting a total of £175k each. This is where you might want to negotiate keeping the house, your savings, and perhaps £45k of his savings (or maybe a bit less since that's perhaps less of your priority than the house, and selling the house runs up costs that would eat into the equity).

Your ongoing pension is also a kind of asset, which might justify him keeping a little more of the savings unless he has his own pension.

But, overall, keeping the house isn't out of the question.

He had a very good workplace pension which he cashed and invested at the start of our relationship. These investments have done very well. He lived extremely frugally and saved probably £1k a month during our marriage plus he had some savings from prior to the marriage. I had less pension and opportunity to save as I was on part time low paid work while raising my kids as a single parent for many years.

Came into the marriage as equals in the house. He’s very secretive with money so the problem would be in working out how much was built up during the marriage vs before. It just seems so complex atm

He had a very good workplace pension which he cashed and invested at the start of our relationship. These investments have done very well. He lived extremely frugally and saved probably £1k a month during our marriage plus he had some savings from prior to the marriage. I had less pension and opportunity to save as I was on part time low paid work while raising my kids as a single parent for many years.

The investments are yours too. Everything is a marital asset.

It’s not as simple as saying everything 50:50

as older people when married it is relevant to look at what each party brought. Ie it’s not ops dh fault stop worked low paid part time, nor did see sacrifice her earnings to allow him to guild up his

kf course an outcome will look at needs, and housing both parties will be key, and there’s enough to achieve two properties, but he will have a strong case for not a 50:50 split and that might be an outcome if his assets were substantially built pre marriage.

However, offset this are the fact it’s a long marriage and the ages of both parties means limited ability to build up further . itt does seem like op will come out better off as a result

Get a good solicitor op, you deserve a comfortable life! He sounds like he’s always been a arsehole so he’s done you a favour!

Get onto a good solicitor, it’s not always 50/50, all dependant on what each of you has in pension, savings, and length of marriage. Don’t disclose any of your thoughts or wants to him, just go to the solicitor and take it advice from there. Plus citizens advice are very good for information.
I think people on here are great at emotional and moral support, and those that have been through your situation, will have some good advice to help you.
I’ve been watching and reading up on MN, as I’m in a similar situation, though for different reasons, but divorce after over 30 odd years is pretty overwhelming. I hope you have a close friend to offload to as well.

Sorry to hear you are going through a divorce after 30 years, that must be hard.
I appreciate all the advice given on here and will be keeping a close eye on this site.
I have good support from my cousin who is helping me get advice.