Separating from long-term partner - advice needed pls re finances/house

[theregoestheday]

I'm hoping someone can advise me as to what's fair.

I've finally plucked up enough courage to tell my partner of 24 years that I want to leave. No-one else involved, I've just reached the end of my tether and need to get out.

Luckily, he has enough money to by me out of our home, which we own 50/50, and has agreed in principle to this.

I'll try and collate the facts.

We've been together for 24 years, not married.

Two kids together, 18 and 22, still at home - they will spend half the time with me. (They don't know yet that we're separating).

My elderly mother lives with us in an annex attached to the house, entirely paid for by her - she'll be coming to live with me.

He is emotionally and financially abusive and I need to let him feel that he's 'won', but at the same time, I want things to be as fair as possible.

My question is this: would it be fair of me to ask him for half of all my moving costs, (on top of 50% of the value of the house, minus mortgage)?
So, stamp duty, (we live in a v expensive area) conveyancing, removals etc, PLUS something towards the value of all the furniture and white goods (pretty much all of which has been bought by me).

Does all that seem fair and reasonable?
Is there anything else I need to think about?

Advice much appreciated.

I think you can ask, but the reality in your situation is it comes down to him choosing to gift you that money. He has no legal obligation to do so.

Do you have shared bank accounts/savings? Ultimately, any shared accounts, unless they hold processes that require two signatures to withdraw funds, can be emptied by one or the other 100%.

A shared account generally means shared access, not that it is legally a 50/50 split.

He doesn’t need to contribute to your stamp duty no

so you’re owed

house value
less mortgage
less ‘selling fees’ ( that would apply if house was being sold
x50%

you can of course ask him but if he says no then the above would be applied

No shared bank accounts.

Why do you need to move if he is buying you out?

Will your Mum get what she put into the annexe?

I think the term ‘buying someone out’ implies that he is taking on the home entirely on his own, and the op will be walking away with her share of equity and leaving the property.

No it’s not reasonable to ask him to pay the costs you have buying a new home. You’re entitled to half of the equity and what you spend that on is your business and your responsibility

Oh yes, sorry, duh to myself! Need another cup of coffee!

But still interested to know whether he would be buying the OP’s mum out too, since she paid for her annexe

Is your mother getting her money/ share of the increased value of the house due to the annex?

in terms of the furniture and white goods these should be split 50/50 so either you take or these are included
How does the annex work in terms of your mums money back

My suggestion is

1. Get hold of as much documentation as you can for example are you Joint tenants or tenants in common, was there any sort of written agreement when you bought the house etc etc.
2. Write down as much as you can about who paid for what relative earnings etc etc even of only from memory
3. Read it or better still get someone else to read it to make sure it covers as much as possible, makes sense etc
4. Pay for an interview with a solicitor

Because then you will have a sensible starting point for a discussion knowing what you may or may not expect to get

That can then inform your discussions with your soon to be ex

You can try.
I think your proposition is fair enough.
However I've never experienced an unreasonable man becoming more reasonable when you try and leave them!

You may have to lose a bit of £££ in the move, you should be able to take 1/2 the furniture etc if he doesn't want to give you money for the remainder.

Sorry, it will probably be tough, not doubt he will make it harder for you, but you'll have your freedom when it's all done & it will be worth it!