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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Contact with kids - not sure I agree with solc...

11 replies

BusyCee · 05/09/2024 20:43

First conversation with Solc today to get advice before (yet again) telling stbxh that I do actually mean it this time and want a divorce.

Solc advice on contact for children with their father is every other weekend. But - we live in the same small town, and I actually don't think it's in their interests to only see him once a fortnight. I think it's better if he picks them up from school twice a week and brings them home for c. 6pm so they see him more regularly as part of their normal lives AND see him every other weekend. Solc says: yes but, this is the road towards him requesting them overnight for those two days, which (I agree) would be disruptive for them and not in the their best interests.

I get that solc has seen this many times before, and is giving me advice based on experience.... but I don't want to be a knob and actually I do want to facilitate a good relationship for them with him if I can. (Even though he's a narcissistic eejit).

Thoughts and experiences? (BTW, this is in preparation - he hasn't even acknowledged there's a problem yet, let alone agreed to mediation...). TIA.

OP posts:
ExperiencedTeacher · 05/09/2024 20:44

Is there a reason why he shouldn’t have the kids 50%?

millymollymoomoo · 05/09/2024 21:02

Why can’t he have 1 night in the week and eow? Or 50:50 ?

why is it disruptive? Many do it perfectly well

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/09/2024 21:04

Solc says: yes but, this is the road towards him requesting them overnight for those two days, which (I agree) would be disruptive for them and not in the their best interests.

Why’s it not in their interests?

Bluebell06 · 05/09/2024 21:40

It’s not in their interest because the OP will get her child maintenance reduced

Kirstyshine · 05/09/2024 21:46

‘It’s not in their interest because the OP will get her child maintenance reduced’

That’s an outrageous accusation.

YeahComeOnThen · 05/09/2024 21:47

@BusyCee

why would he want to pick them up after school. Only to bring them to you at 6pm?

how flexible are his work hours?

how old are the children?

what do you think the children would want?

but primarily you need to see what he wants.

uoure the one choosing to leave, he's not choosing to live apart grom
his children. Maybe hell
Want 50:50 or to be the resident parent & you have them EOW?

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 05/09/2024 21:49

Sounds an extremely odd thing for a solicitor to say. Unless there are issues a court would always favour 50/50 so what on earth would make you think your ex would be happy having them overnight for 2 nights EOW. If he’s a decent dad he’ll want 50/50 and he’ll get it

arethereanyleftatall · 05/09/2024 21:53

Why would staying overnight with him in those two days not be in their interest?

Cynically op and without knowing all the facts as you haven't detailed them yet - how would him doing this work work wise with you both? If you both work a normal 9-5 then this isn't fair on him and seems an emotional manipulation. But you haven't stipulated the impact yet, so hopefully that's not the reason.

Chasqui · 05/09/2024 21:56

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 05/09/2024 21:49

Sounds an extremely odd thing for a solicitor to say. Unless there are issues a court would always favour 50/50 so what on earth would make you think your ex would be happy having them overnight for 2 nights EOW. If he’s a decent dad he’ll want 50/50 and he’ll get it

How odd. Do courts really consider children to be possessions to be split in two as marital assets for the enjoyment of the adults. Or do they start by asking what is in the child's best interests?

YeahComeOnThen · 05/09/2024 22:32

Kirstyshine · 05/09/2024 21:46

‘It’s not in their interest because the OP will get her child maintenance reduced’

That’s an outrageous accusation.

😂😂😂outrageous 🤪🤪🤪

YeahComeOnThen · 05/09/2024 22:37

Chasqui · 05/09/2024 21:56

How odd. Do courts really consider children to be possessions to be split in two as marital assets for the enjoyment of the adults. Or do they start by asking what is in the child's best interests?

@Chasqui

no they see the children seeing each parent 50% of the time in the childs best interest. As a starting point.

i don't necessarily agree, but that's the current thinking.

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