I don’t know how to answer sons questions 💔

[W987654321]

Background: ExDH and I separated 2 years ago, it was my decision. Divorce finalised late last year.

I left as fell out of love, he was unkind and miserable for years. Since then ex has been horrendous. Narcissistic, rude, talks poorly about me to the children.

2 years on, Youngest DS (6) keeps repeating the same phrases and I don’t know how to answer him 😢

”mummy I want you and daddy to live together.”

”I want us all to live together.” It makes me sad you and daddy don’t live in the same house”

”mummy why did you move out.”

“Mummy why did you break the marriage” (he means why did you decide to split up)

”I’m worried about life”

He repeats these phrases 4-5x over the course of a few days. (he is on an autism pathway)
He mustn’t be satisfied with my answers to his questions.

I basically tell him that: I understand that being separated makes you feel sad, and I also wish it was different. But mummy wasn’t happy living with daddy. Mummy has a new house and I am much happier now.

He proceeds to tell me that, although Mummy is happy, he himself is not happy and neither is daddy.

I am struggling and don’t know what else to say to him. But I feel I need to say something wise so he can accept the divorce is permanent. It’s breaking my heart.
(I can’t tell him any of the unreasonable behaviour my ex had, as this info will find its way back to ex and he will use it to fuel his fire)

(for extra info, I have an older child (7) but she understands the situation and I get the impression she knows that what her dad says about me is not true)

Parental alienation is an offence. Speak to a solicitor...

Is it alienation if you tell your children the truth of why you divorced though?

After conversations with the df the dc say they are worried about life and that daddy isn't happy. That's emotional manipulation.. Blaming op is alienation.. Takes 2 people to make a marriage fail...

I think you just need to keep repeating

i know you’d prefer us to live together but that’s not possible
we both love you
sometimes adult relationships don’t work and it ok to feel sad

that’s it
repeat

Tough, tough situation. Take every step knowing it's the best for your children, of course, but for you too.
Someway, find and take time for yourself. That can be a few minutes, just for you - play a song, read a poem, draw a picture - it's the making timne to do it that counts.
Repeat and repeat, that their parents love tham and are doing the best for them. That's the answer to every question that you can't answer; rephrased 100 different ways if you like.

Especially important first thing in the morning and last thing before lights out, literally every day.

Thank you. Do you think these words are enough ? I can do this. I just don’t know what else to say

Thank you ❤️
I worry that me avoiding answering directly can be damaging for him. But I’m glad you say this.
ill keep reassuring him and reminding him that he’s very loved and safe. (I tell him 100 times a day already how much I love him 😆)

Sometimes less is more

keep it simple is fine

acknowledge it’s ok to feel sad /upset/angry etc at times
confirm it won’t happen ( getting back together)
reassure you both love him always

that’s it

I agree with others to keep it simple.. also, I found the children’s book ‘Mum and Dad Glue’ by Kes Grey helpful for my son when I separated from my ex..

This is perfect. Thank you !

Thank you. I will check this out!