If your parents separated when you were young..

[mumroom6571]

Please tell me your experiences of your parents separating when you were young.

I'm going through a separation with a 5 year old and 3 year old. I want to know

1. how did you feel? Did you resent them for separating or happy to have two happier homes?

2. What schedule did you have and what did you like/not like about it? We are stuck on creating a schedule.

3. did anything make it easier or harder?

Thank you in advance ❤️

I was about 6 when mine split up, and I’m ok about it as I hardly remember dad living with us.
The hardest thing was dealing with a step mother who wanted my dad, but didn’t want me to see him. She is the only bad memories I have, so it was better when he took me out on Sunday rather than stying at their house for the weekend.

I was 4
My parents stayed on good terms and I stayed with my dad on weekends until I was old enough to decide for myself that I wanted to live with him so I had my own room! I had two happier parents and I have no recollection of their separation.

I didn't resent them separating and enjoyed my weekends with my df....until he got a new wife and went nc contact with me and dm because life was too complicated. I grew up feeling angry with him and felt very upset at certain milestones in life when my friends had support and help from their fathers.

I was a bit older and I initially felt relief as I somehow understood all the shouting would end. But then very quickly it became quite traumatic going to stay with dad and not wanting to leave mum but being unable to really articulate that. My brother was older and we have since talked about this and he was aware mum would be lonely/dad would be lonely in turn All the anxiety, sadness and pain of divorce transferred onto us and we've both had therapy as teens/adults over it all.

The worst part of it all was their new relationships were upsetting and confusing because I was old enough to know everyone else had a mum and a dad and I craved that stability, predictability and routine. I never wanted to meet "a friend" of mum or dad. I had terrible anxiety as a teen linked to this in my younger years.

Predictability and routines of who does what when did help. Do whatever you can to make your little ones feel safe and be aware that any behaviour change could be them trying to communicate something they don't understand themselves yet.

I was pretty young, not as young as your kids though. I was one of four kids and my younger siblings don't remember my parents being together which is sad.

The main thing I remember was everything happening so fast and the bitterness. Also my dad met a new woman and she became priority. She didn't want us kids around much and we wasn't treated very well by her.

Oh wow as a mum this would crush me! Absolutely fair enough though.

I remember my siblings weren’t too hit hard by the separation news, but when we found out we were being ‘divvied’ up real trauma was caused. Dad kept my brother, me and my sister to mum. We never lived together again. They never bothered with a schedule and we could come and go from both houses. In retrospect it felt quite transient.
We were party to details we shouldn’t have, and we knew our parents hated each other. The clear memory I still have is not being to say anything I had done with the other? Like I couldn’t say ‘me and dad did bla bla’ because there would be eye rolls. As per the posters above, it changed again once my dad moved on.

I was a teenager with a serious boyfriend sharing a room with her kid sister 😆 My mum totally got it and she worked in my school. Really wasn't a problem.

Thank you everyone for your replies so far. It feels difficult trying to get the balance right with schedule. I want to get it right.