50/50 time and money

[Letliv]

It’s become apparent that a divorce is sadly the best option for our marriage. We’ve tried different routes and even had a period where we got an upturn but sadly it wasn’t to be. We’re in early discussions and it’s all amicable between us (I assume this may change, I hope not though), still in the same house as we’ve not told anyone yet. We both want to do 50/50 with the kids, timing wise we’ve not decided how yet but we then talked about money. I earn more by about £20k per year and we were thinking is it possible to just work out our total monthly income and then we get half each (I guess via a standing order)…is that an insane plan, does that sort of thing work?

Er no. On divorce you do not share you finances with your ex.
If genuinely 50:50, no maintenance is payable. You keep your money, your ex keeps theirs and you both buy things as needed for the kids.

Just to expand - on divorce you divide the assets have between you. So house pension etc. This is done on the basis of giving each of you what you need to adequately carry on your lifestyle as far as possible, and 50:50 is the starting point.
If you are sharing child care 50:50 then there is no child maintenance.

Also the pension 50:50 is done on the value of the pensions at the point the split is made, any further increase in value is excluded from the split.

Are you getting legal advice? Although there is a lot of free basic advice via an internet search - especially relying on guides on lawyers (UK) websites.

is that an insane plan

Yes.

If you're going to split, SPLIT. You're still thinking like a married couple.

My ex and I do still have a shared account and we both put in £500 per month to cover all the kids (and some pet) expenses. So covers DC's activities, phones, school trips, bus passes, clothes, shoes etc. food is purchased separately.

It works well but this is as shared as I'd go!

No. You need a long term plan. If he or she needs more money to house themselves and accommodate the children it can be reflected in the asset split.

When ex and I divorced we also agreed 50/50 with the kids. As we were fairly amicable we went to a mediator to help us work through the finance. Best thing we could have done.

We both worked full time with him as the higher earner. We both wanted to be able to have our own home after the split with the 2 kids each having their own bedrooms in each house, and the homes being fairly near eachother for convenience with moving. Mediator helped us work through how our finances could be worked out to make that possible (not a straight 50/50 division) and that’s what happened. She also helped work out the ongoing finance - as 50/50 with the kids no maintenance is payable, however as a quite significantly higher earner it was agreed that ex would pay slightly more of the costs of childrens essentials. We worked out how much we spent each month for things like childcare, essential clothes, extra curricular activities etc. That amount goes into a joint account but ex puts in 60% share and I put in 40%. We then both draw on it for those types of things. It’s not for food or days out etc .

7 years down the line we still do this and it has mainly worked well. We are still amicable and I don’t think this agreement would work if we were not.

i really recommend a mediator to support your discussions and to make a fair and equitable agreement - they are not allowed to sign off on anything that is not ‘fair’ and the agreement they make with you then goes to the courts and becomes part of the divorce agreement.

Even when amicable the end of a marriage is a sad and difficult thing - I hope you are ok and have lots of love and support.

With 50:50 there's two options, either you literally split all costs - clothes, school dinners, childcare etc or one pays more and the other pays maintenance.

You can get a bank account just for the children's stuff and both put money in there each month and use that to pay for school uniform activities etc.
Food and treats are from your own pocket

Sorry op but that a ludicrous idea

work out your assets
agree a split Of them

that’s it.

no other monies due going forward. You can of course agree between you to pay child maintenance or higher share of childcare/costs/clothes etc but agreeing 50% if combined income share is bizarre !

its all relative but 20k income gap isn’t considered a large disparity