Upset over ex's lack of interest in his children

Kaleidoscope101 · 2024-08-31T14:48:48+00:00

My ex and I divorced 2 years ago following his cheating. I have worked very hard to hide my hurt to maintain a good co parent relationship for our children (2 teens). I felt it was important that they had a good relationship with him despite what he had done as I always felt he was a good father. Over time he seems less and less interested in them. He sees them every other weekend but that's it. He never calls or texts them. When he has them they just sit around at his house. He is usually watching TV or on his phone. Both kids have mentioned that he isn't bothered with them and even joked that there was no point calling to ask him something as it wasn't "his weekend". I feel really upset for them and can see that they are losing respect for him and interest in seeing him. I think they are sad that their Dad is not really bothered with them. I don't think me talking to him would do any good. Despite me working hard to be civil and friendly with him, I'm sure any comment from me would be seen as interference or me being bitter.

userid81 · 31/08/2024 15:52

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Inlimboin50s · 31/08/2024 16:35

It's a really sad and frustrating situation. I have the same and have given up asking him.
He has seen his child three times during the school holidays and that is just for a couple of hours each time.
He promised Thorpe park back in June for the summer but that hasn't happened and with one week left my teen says it won't.
I did use to txt him and encourage a healthy relationship but not a lot I can do now.

Original poster

Kaleidoscope101 · 31/08/2024 17:42

Inlimboin50s · 31/08/2024 16:35

It's a really sad and frustrating situation. I have the same and have given up asking him.
He has seen his child three times during the school holidays and that is just for a couple of hours each time.
He promised Thorpe park back in June for the summer but that hasn't happened and with one week left my teen says it won't.
I did use to txt him and encourage a healthy relationship but not a lot I can do now.

I have tried to say something previously but he seemed to think I was just having a go at him. Also, it didn't change anything.
I want to try and make things better for my kids but part of me thinks why should I bother, especially as I have bent over backwards to facilitate his relationship with them

OP posts:

SonicTheHodgeheg · 31/08/2024 17:46

It’s sad but it’s the same here. Their expectations of him are on the floor so it’s not so disappointing now. When they were younger (and we were together) we were all out and about most weekends but he’s become as lazy as the kids were as teens and they are all very cba about things.

PureBoggin · 31/08/2024 18:43

It is a shame for your children but ultimately you are not and can not be responsible for his relationship with them. You can only help them to cope with his shitness by providing them with a safe, stable, loving home. They are teens. Leave them to it.

Biggaybear · 31/08/2024 18:48

Its not for you to say anything. Your kids are at an age where they can communicate with him & if they are unhappy or dont want to see him much anymore then they can tell him that. I take it they have mobiles & communicate with him via them. I'd just leave them to it. Time for them to find their voice & to speak for themselves.

BirthdayRainbow · 31/08/2024 18:51

My children's father has taken a year plus to speak to them about why we've split up. He's not been ready to talk to them before. It is embarrassing for him and so bloody sad. They are giving him a chance at the moment but they won't ever forget. I'm livid. How dare he treat my children like this.

fuffymeloncauli · 31/08/2024 18:53

If they're teens the court will listen if they don't want to go anymore

Holidaysrule · 31/08/2024 19:01

It happens. My dad was literally the best dad I could ever have wished for. Until my mum had an affair. He couldn’t cope and just…..left. I was 10. He met someone else (who was vile) not long after. She didn’t want him to have a relationship with me, so he didn’t. That hurt, a lot. I’ve worked through it and, having suffered the pain of infidelity myself I can see why he couldn’t cope. But, I was his child, none of it was my fault and I really needed him (mum was too busy with the new man to be there for me)
I have to be honest, this has affected my adult life far more than I would like. BUT, I fell far from the tree. I didn’t turn out like either of my selfish parents…..I did however accept far more shit in my personal relationships than I should have allowed 😩 The sad fact is, so often, when your parents don’t chose you, you don’t learn how to chose yourself. So teach your children to chose THEMSELVES. They need to look out for number one, with you as their anchor and support. And, if you do that? They will be grand……

Clumsy12345 · 31/08/2024 19:08

i feel the same although my ex hasn’t seen the children in over a year but before that he showed very little interest in them. makes me sad that i have children with someone who has such little interest in them.

Elizo · 31/08/2024 19:11

I don’t think you can do anything. You’d be better off carrying on being a great parent and putting all your energy there. He loses ultimately. No respect for that behaviour.,

Original poster

Kaleidoscope101 · 31/08/2024 19:16

Thank you for all the replies, they have re unforced my gut feeling that it's not my role to try and make this better.
I have and do feel awful that my children have divorced parents (even though none of it was my doing) and due to that I always want to make things right for them but the reality is that this is all in my ex and not for me to try and fix.
They are happy to still go and see him.
They both have mobiles. They text him, he usually replies but he never initiates contact (unless it's to rearrange pick up arrangements) and certainly never calls them 😩

OP posts:

HoppityBun · 31/08/2024 19:22

Holidaysrule · 31/08/2024 19:01

It happens. My dad was literally the best dad I could ever have wished for. Until my mum had an affair. He couldn’t cope and just…..left. I was 10. He met someone else (who was vile) not long after. She didn’t want him to have a relationship with me, so he didn’t. That hurt, a lot. I’ve worked through it and, having suffered the pain of infidelity myself I can see why he couldn’t cope. But, I was his child, none of it was my fault and I really needed him (mum was too busy with the new man to be there for me)
I have to be honest, this has affected my adult life far more than I would like. BUT, I fell far from the tree. I didn’t turn out like either of my selfish parents…..I did however accept far more shit in my personal relationships than I should have allowed 😩 The sad fact is, so often, when your parents don’t chose you, you don’t learn how to chose yourself. So teach your children to chose THEMSELVES. They need to look out for number one, with you as their anchor and support. And, if you do that? They will be grand……

Wise words. I didn’t go through that, but the effects were the same. Thank you

mumsthewurd · 29/10/2024 23:10

PureBoggin · 31/08/2024 18:43

It is a shame for your children but ultimately you are not and can not be responsible for his relationship with them. You can only help them to cope with his shitness by providing them with a safe, stable, loving home. They are teens. Leave them to it.

This.