Hi, I’ve just started divorce proceedings with husband of 17 years, who is 9 years older than me. We have two kids together and not many assets to divide between us so have agreed to do it amicably. I was the one who initiated the divorce as my husband, who can be nice and charming most of the time, can also be quite controlling. There has been no physical or sexual violence but a lot of emotional abuse, which came up a lot as I went to counselling sessions secretly behind his back.
However I’ve not felt gut wrenching and heart rending pain like this before and wonder if it will ever get better. I know that leaving him is the right thing to do, but it hurts like a mother now that I actually started the proceedings.
I understand that “trauma bond” is a thing and is very similar to experiencing withdrawal from highly addictive drugs. I’ve been told it won’t be easy and I was prepared as such. But the grief I am experiencing is like no other. I still love and care for him, like he does for me too. He did not want this divorce but agreed for my sake as we just couldn’t stop arguing after having a major fight while away on holiday.
It is probably best thing to do considering the kids mental health and ours but it just hurts so badly. I’m into knitting and have been furiously knitting garments for the past month. Have been listening to music and reaching out to friends and going on walks as well. All seem to help for a little while until another wave of grief hits me out of nowhere.
I have arranged to start counselling soon and until then have been relying on journaling my thoughts in a diary.
What else could I possibly do? When will the time pain eventually go away? Please share your own stories so I can read them and be comforted.
Thank you all so much in advance