Struggling today - such a rollercoaster!

[FitAndFlare]

I'll try not to write war & peace, but a little background on my situation:

• Together for 18 years, married for 14, 10yr old daughter

• Separating from husband; I was the instigator - lots of reasons, none of which are huge in isolation, but a build up of everything means that separation is the best solution.

• Very amicable. He's very upset by the whole thing but coming to terms with it. Still very much committed to doing lots of family things together for the sake of our little girl.

• On a practical note, we've sold the family house and are now in rented until our respective houses are ready - mine is a new build still to be completed, his is in a long, messy chain.

So, overall... I know it's the right thing to do, I know we will all be happier long term. But today I just feel so sad. I don't think I'm sad because I want to stay together - I'm absolutely certain the love isn't there in the way it should. But I'm just sad, teary... I can't shake it off. Nothing has happened, no triggers... we're just getting on with things and trying to find some normality.

When does the rollercoaster of emotions even out? Does it ever get more predictable?!

(Full disclaimer; menopause may also have a part to play in me being an emotional wreck!)

Oh god that was a long post!
Sorry folks... not even sure what my rambling point was! I'm just hurting and wanted to vent I guess.

It’s rough. You can’t just switch off nearly 2 decades of loving someone. You’re grieving and will likely cycle through times of sadness and anger before eventually reaching full acceptance of everything.

Go easy on yourself.

I have found in order to exorcise the emotions I have to sit with them and feel uncomfortable rather than try to suppress them or push them away. I’m around 2 years separated and only really now fully coming out the other side. But my life now is amazing and improved in so many ways.

And it’s worth looking into HRT - if you’re mid forties the GP should give it to you without any hassle.

It is 13 months since we split and a month since we divorced and I get the feeling of being sad. Funny how it is such a small word but a huge feeling. I'm glad to not be married to him anymore but sad for the waste of time, the pain he has caused me, the upset for the children, the health damage he has left me with, the fact I was as I was and wouldn't have been with him if things had been better for me before him. Just sad for the loss of what my future was going to be.

However, I am happy as well. Looking forward to moving, never having to have any contact with him and making a whole new life for myself.

It will get easier. Allow yourself the time.

Thanks. Yes, I think rationally I know it's going to take time but bloody hell it's hard! And I keep wondering how people cope when a split isn't something they want, when it's blindsided them... if I feel this awful when I want it to happen and I know it's for the best, wow it must hurt like hell for others.

Funny how it is such a small word but a huge feeling. Yes - completely agree with that!

And thanks for the HRT tip - I'm already on it but need to make some adjustments to my dose I think, although it's hard sometimes to know whether to blame emotions and symptoms on menopause or just on a super stressful time!

Even though I filed I am still sad as he caused me so much pain I had no choice to. So it was my choice but not really.

He shown me today he doesn't care a bit for me so that helps. I'll stop getting upset when he's horrible. It's pointless.

I’m sat here in tears and it is a total emotional rollercoaster. We have only just announced to kids and family our separation and still struggling to see a financial way out of the situation. Even though the love has been missing for so long it doesn’t stop it hurting so immensely now and I still feel I love him. So so hard. Hopefully we will come out the other side happier and finding someone that gives us the love we deserve. We can do this 👊🏻

@Stressheadmumma how are you now, a couple of hours on from your post? I think it's good to get the tears out and have a really good cry!

It's a very strange feeling isn't it? You've loved this person for so long and now it's not just going to switch off. It's also grieving a life that you had, which has now suddenly got flipped on its head.

But yes, we've got this!

@Stressheadmumma I am so sorry you are going through this. Telling people makes it real. But it will all be resolved. It just takes time and you have to allow yourself that and accept there's a limit as to what you can do. The solicitor does a lot.

@FitAndFlare some tears today when youngest keeps saying things like daddy plays football and I can’t etc but not as bad tonight. Just need to get off my phone and get some proper sleep!

You must look after yourself @Stressheadmumma .