How is custody decided, can you do it yourself?

[Lotsofquestions5]

We want to keep to costs down and do as much of the divorce process ourselves

Are we able to decide custody between ourselves without having the courts involved? Are the courts only necessary if one parent disputes something?

My kids will probably stay with me for the most part and see him a couple of times a week as he is not an involved parent. Our kids are 11 and 14. My eldest does not have a good relationship with their dad and if asked would not want to live with him at all.

Any advice greatfully recieve!! Going to see solicitor for initial advice tomorrow but it's only 30 mins and as I said I want to keep costs down

Yes you can definitely sort it out yourselves if you’re able to agree it together. The court system encourages people to do this if they are able (and no significant risks etc)

Yes as PP poster said, easy to do yourselves and encouraged if no major disputes. What can be helpful is a "parenting agreement" - you can download templates online. Not legally binding but useful as a framework to decide custody and also parenting rules for both homes - helps save disagreements later down the line and "one rule there another rule here" problems.

You only need a child arrangements order if you cantt agree

a court would always encourage you to try to agree outside of court!

I never bothered as it was t needed

Go on gov.uk and you can do your own divorce online or file the forms as paper documents. The divorce process does not include arrangements for the child/children which is an entirely separate process that you only need to do if you cannot agree things between you.
If you do need the Court to get involved with your children you need to attempt mediation first (unless exceptional circumstances). Google MIAM to read about the mediation process

Brilliant
With them being older I wasn't sure what rules applied. The parenting agreement sounds very useful.

So do we get all the forms ready ourselves etc and then submit them all to the court to stamp it?

Use the online system via gov.uk and do it all online for simplicity

Beware of home divorces... Don't let yourself be swizzed out of what you are entitled to... Glad the dc are sorted though....

Yes we decided access arrangements between ourselves and it has worked well. In fact we did the whole divorce without solicitors as we are relatively amicable so we only had to pay the £593 fee.

You would probably be best to get legal advice about a financial settlement order though. Ask about this when you have your free 30 minute advice session

of course you can decide it between yourselves

If you can agree child arrangements between the two of you, being guided by your 14 year old for his contact arrangements, then you don't need to lodge anything with the court. At 14 a court isn't going to make your eldest do anything anyway. If they don't want overnights I would find another way for them to have a relationship with their dad, things like a weekly dinner, an afternoon at dads house, doing something together that they both enjoy. 11 is trickier in terms of their cognitive ability to make these sorts of decisions. I'd be going more with what I believed was best for them.

Finances though get some basic legal advice
at the very least and you need to make sure you lodge a consent order and get it approved by a judge so that you are properly financially separated from each other.

If you can decide everything yourselves, the solicitor can then just write up the paperwork (I'm peeved about having to pay for even that!)