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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Sole custody

5 replies

Summerbreeze456 · 24/08/2024 13:18

Hi,
(D)H left just before the birth of DD and we've now been separated for about 6 weeks. I've spoken to my solicitor and got a basic plan together about finances. Lots of things still depend on how (D)H is deciding to proceed. We are abroad and I'm not sure whether he'll move back to the UK or stay here. He's said he wants a divorce but there's not much we can do about that for about a year. He's on parental leave until the autumn and there's not much we can do before he goes back to work. We'd get the child support payments to kick in only after he's earning enough money again.

However, if he decides to go back to the UK, I'd like to ask for sole custody of our two DC, who would stay here with me. (They are habitually resident here by now and both have citizenship as well.) Has anyone ever tried that, if the other parent moves abroad?
It would just make things much easier. For most official things, I need his signature at the moment. Since he doesn't talk to me and for some reason doesn't trust me (as in, it's not good enough if I translate documents for him and tell him what they are for...he needs to have friends translate them for him), it slows things down. I can't open a savings account for DD, I'd need his signature to enrol her in nursery, etc. It will be even slower if I have to start sending documents to the UK and wait for him to sign and return them.
His visitation rights would be unaffected by the custody arrangement.

OP posts:
HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 24/08/2024 13:23

I doubt anyone can advise you without knowing the laws in your country (and which country it is)

Summerbreeze456 · 25/08/2024 16:13

We are in Germany at the moment. (D)H is a British citizen, though, as are both our children (although they have German citizenship, too).

OP posts:
whosaidtha · 25/08/2024 16:21

So essentially you want to remove his parental responsibility? Have you spoken to him about this?
I'm not sure anyone would be able to help as the laws in Germany sound very different to the uk - you don't need both parents to sign off on nursery for example. You'd be better contacting a German family lawyer for advice.

Summerbreeze456 · 25/08/2024 17:28

I was hoping someone might know what it looks like when one parent lives in a different country. I assume (D)H could employ a UK lawyer if he moves back there...? Would German law be applied automatically, regardless of where he lives?

Most things need the signature of both parents if they both have shared custody here. Surely, one parent can't just decide which nursery or school a child goes to in the UK, either. What if the other parent disagrees? I couldn't get a passport for the children or apply for child benefit.
It also impacts how much child support he'd have to pay (same as DS's school fees, for example...)

I haven't spoken to him, yet, since he doesn't talk to me. Me trying to sort things out gets construed at me just being negative and trying to prevent him from being happy. He's the one who left...

OP posts:
Summerbreeze456 · 25/08/2024 17:39

I probably used the wrong terminology as well. I would be looking for full custody of the children, so visitation rights wouldn't be affected.

OP posts:
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