Time to apply for final order. All very amicable but everything not finalised. Advice please

[Jeany1967]

Divorcing from my husband of 13 years. We have two children (8 & 6).
As the post title says we're all very amicable.

Previously we've shared the children 50/50 and he's been paying me child maintenance no problem. We lived near each other and this worked but this has changed recently and myself and the children now live 3 hours away. He is looking for employment and work closer to us but we've agreed for the time being that he will see the children EOW.

We have provisionally agreed an amicable split on the finances. We have gone 50/50 on all assets accumulated whilst we've been married (savings only). I have agreed to leave what he had before marriage and money that was given to us as a family from his family whilst we have been married. I ended the marriage so think morally this is the best thing to do.
I will be finding work in our new area soon but I will be earning half of what he will be potentially earning once he finds suitable employment.
Our pensions will be very similar.

He has always provided for the children. As I said, he has paid me maintenance (whilst we were 50/50) and has always paid half of their expenses as well. The only place we have a difference is his earning capacity going forward (him approx. £50k with all his living expenses included) me on approx. £25-£30k.

I have to now apply for the final order but the email says that I should seek legal advice being doing so. I am very reluctant to pay for a solicitor to tell me I should be going for this, I should be going for that when morally I don't want to (his family's money plus what he had previous to us getting together).

I am happier in my life now and just want to get on with it and be amicable going forward. I know the children will be provided for going forward.

When I apply for a final order do they need to know details of ALL savings or is it just what we've accumulated throughout the marriage?
Will the judge need to see all the details before signing off or can we just say we're amicable and that we're happy to sign off?

Thanks so much

I just used a solicitor to write the financial consent order - how it was reached and the D81 form I did and had ex husband sign.

You should show all savings and liabilities and assets including anything accrued before marriage but you just show in the add/omit columns who is "keeping" what

Not totally sure what OP is asking.

The courts will insist on seeing ALL savings & assets and will query any huge difference in division of assets, no matter how much you feel you shouldn't get an equal share.

Just asking for a divorce doesn't make you a bad person. What do you mean by "morally" he should get to keep big chunks of wealth because you instigated the divorce. Did you treat him badly? Did you beat him up, play mind games, cheat with another man or gamble or go crazy for some religion or bring drug addicts into the home? Those things might put you in a morally dubious space. (ps: they are real life examples from my own family, especially I enjoyed the drug-dealing jesus freak... )

If you want to give him more because of premarital wealth difference or gifts from his family, that's your choice, but after 13 years & 2 kids together, it wouldn't be morally wrong to just split all joint wealth 50:50. The courts will want strong justification that you aren't being taken advantage of before they allow a hugely unequal split.

You don't have to see a solicitor. But just asking for a divorce doesn't mean you forfeit all claims to fair share of assets, too.

There is a company called Amicable.Io that helps couples who are divorcing and want a legally sound separation but do not want to hire separate solicitors who will push them into an adversarial situation. They may have to say what each person would be entitled to claim in order to discharge their own responsibilities, but they do not then push people to claim what they do not want to claim. I think you can book a free call with them online.

If you both want a clean break with no chance of either person coming back for more, some sort of legal support may be a good idea.

They do charge fees, but not at a level like solicitors. If your financial situation is mainly in the UK and not too complex, they may be suitable for you.

If you are aiming to go back to 50 50 once your ex moves to your location, there is no guarantee he will continue to pay maintenance until your children are 18.
For the sake of your children and yourself, a clean break now with a fair divide of assets and money accumulated during your marriage would be much better.
Especially as your earning going forward are half his.
Also while he might have the funds to provide maintenance and expenses above the requirements. This is not step in stone to continue 5 or 10 years down the line, if he has a new relationship, family and their living expenses.