I feel at such a loss - I just need a hand hold

[Augworries]

Hi

I am sorry if this post is a bit of a mess, my brain feels like it is going to explode.

I have been with my DH for just over 17 years. We have 2 DC (boys) and I am unexpectedly pregnant with a 3rd, a girl. I am 14 weeks. It was something neither of us expected, I was on the pill.

We have always argued, but since our second DS was born, things felt very frustrated between us and even the smallest thing would blow up into a big argument where things get said.

If I am honest, I don't enjoy being around him for most of the time, he is negative or sarcastic, nothing really in between.

A few weeks ago, he said he didn't know if he could do it (have the third child) and things were said that really upset me. Again, something trivial blew up and he again said things.

I told him I want a divorce. Today, he has begged me to give him another chance, but I just don't know if my heart is in it.

I do love him, but I really feel like I have been unhappy for so long and every argument I revert back to feeling like I am done. I have no fight left.

We own our home, so I don't even know where to start. He doesn't get on with my family much and makes minimal effort, has very few friends and feels I would be ruining his life by ending our relationship. Yet, he doesn't see that for me, I think it is too little too late.

How will I manage with 3 children on my own? I know I have increased hormones, but I really think my decision is final.

I am not really sure what I want from this thread, but I just feel so low right now.

I should have added, our boys are 5 and 18 months

Has anyone been through anything similar, I feel so lonely.

I've been left by my husband out the blue after 17 years.

It's a horrible feeling.

If I were you I wouldn't continue with the pregnancy- but that's just me, I'm not saying you should or shouldn't. Your marriage sounds over and your husband sounds rubbish.

If you've made up your mind see a solicitor before you tell your husband. Get copies of statements/pensions etc.

Hopefully he doesn't own his own company...

Tell close friends and family and get support from them.

Don't worry too much about your husband he will be OK and he's had years to be nicer and hasn't been.

Don't worry about money, with 3 (or 2) young kids you can have plenty of benefits if you need/want them.

Better to split sooner rather than later for your children's sake.

Hi @researchers3 thank you for taking the time to reply. I am sorry to hear you had a tough time, I hope you are ok?

I don’t want to break him, I know our family is everything to him, but equally, I am not happy.

I want to continue the pregnancy. But this is not the root cause of the problems. It’s just amplified them. He told me I was delusional to Think it will be ok with 3 children.

we get frustrated with each other so easily, and don’t approach situations in a calm or kind manner. I just feel defeated.

@researchers3 sorry pressed post too soon.

no he doesn’t have his own company and we are both good with our money and on ok paid jobs so I feel ok financially . Not sure if I have enough to buy him out the house but will be able to afford somewhere smaller

I would delay making any decisions until baby is here. You aren't in the right mind now to make these decisions.

Would you consider a trial separation and marriage counselling to sort out your communication issues?

I am so sorry you’re going through this and sending you virtual hugs. I’m going through very similar (just not pregnant) and done with feeling unhappy and always ending up in the same circle of argument, being down, making up and around again.

@researchers3 why did you say hopefully he doesn’t own his business? Mine does and I do worry he’d try and downplay his earnings.. is that what you meant?

i own my own (very new) business and not yet in a position to pay myself. Sacrificed the last 10 years of my career to do a not so well paid job but to be there for my 3 young kids etc and raise our family. So haven’t got a pension or any savings and feeling pretty f*d. we do own the house jointly and I’ve paid as much as I can whilst I worked towards the mortgage.

I am sick with worry with house financially I’d cope with 3 young kids.