How to protect myself

[W0rr1ed05]

So I have to divorce stbxh because I've just found out he's a risk to children and is likely to be placed on the SOR. I'm going to have to burn my life to the ground in order to start completely fresh somewhere noone knows me or ds so ds has the chance to grow up without that stigma.

I'm really worried about stbxh being able to access the few savings I have as it's really not that much and I'm going to have to have money to set ds and I up. With the sale of our home I will juuuust about have enough to get a mortgage in my own name on a really cheap property but I will need money to redecorate/repair and buy furniture etc. I've been putting some money aside for a few months after I found out about infidelity but now I'm wondering if there is a legal way for me to protect that money so I can use it to set me and ds up for the future? Any advice? I don't want to do anything that would get me into trouble. I do have a credit card so thinking I'm maybe best using those savings to just pay a big chunk of it off? Is there anything else I should consider?

God what an awful situation. I’m so sorry.

The financial element of divorce in England is based on need and kids are the priority. Your needs will be greater in order to house yourself and DC so you should be able to secure a greater proportion of the marital assets.

Given the circumstances is he likely to have any overnights with DC after your divorce? If not, his housing costs are going to be lower because he will only need a one bedroom place.

It really depends on the outcome of the investigation and whether or not they get enough evidence to meet the burden of proof for court. If not then I'm left knowing he's done what he's done but without the ability to stop him going for joint custody. At the moment he's having no contact at all so if the divorce moves quickly then that will still be the case when we go to divide assets. So I should be entitled to about 65% of the value of our home (whatever is leftover once the rest of the mortgage is given back to the bank and then obviously solicitors fees) but that will still only just be enough for me to get a deposit for a mortgage. Ideally I need to be able to save a little so I can buy and do what I need to physically move in. I'm just worried that if I save hard now then it's going to bite me in the long run.

If saving it isn't an option, can you spend it? Do you have family who you could spend it on, and they put money aside for you? In this situation I cannot imagine anyone would blame you for using dubious methods to squirrel away some money.

For example; you buy their food shop - they put the money aside until you need it. Or you buy their holiday, etc etc

Are they specifically your savings or are they in a joint account? DOes he know how much you have?

They are specifically my savings in my own pot. We do have a joint account and I've just been putting what I need to to cover my half of our joint bills in it, then I use my own account for all my personal bills and then I have a savings pot for long term savings. I don't think he knows how much is in it, I only started it a few months ago as we'd decided to give things another go (i didn't know what else he'd been doing then) and I wanted some of my own savings as a backup.

It depends how much is there because this could take a bit of time if you have a lot, but one piece of advice given to women fleeing abuse is to buy something reasonably small at a supermarket and then ask for cashback. You will then have cash to do what you need to do with it - stuff it under the bed or more sensibly give it to someone you trust to put away for you. Crucially, your bank statement will just say £52 was spent at Tesco.

However, for very large sums, where this isnt feasible, there is no legal way to keep the money. If you have been found to be transferring large amounts of money then it wont look good. Having said this there is a chance that you would get to keep it. The law says this:

Although the general principle is that personal assets within the matrimonial pot should be divided equally upon divorce, the following factors under s25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 are taken into account in all cases:

• Income and other financial resources
• Earning capacity of both parties, both now and in the future
• Children, their ages, and who they will live with
• Standard of living enjoyed by the parties
• The contributions made by each party
• Property
• Parties needs and ages
• Duration of the marriage
• The conduct of the party that would be inequitable to ignore. This generally refers to “exceptional” conduct, whether good or bad.

Surely this last point could be argued by a good lawyer in your case. Due to your husband being a sex offender you have had to divorce and incur the costs of move etc. You will also be the primary carer.

This would make sense. At the moment it's only investigation stage and he hasn't been charged and I've been told it will take months for them to work through the backlog to process for evidence so would this still apply if he hasn't been proven guilty even though police have intelligence on him and he's admitted to me what he's done - essentially it's my word against his until the investigation is complete?

It's not a huge sum, but I'm not a high earner so for me it is a lot. There's going to come a point where I'll be homeless and need to stay with my parents and at the point my capacity for saving will increase a lot. It just seems deeply unfair that he can put me and our son in that position and then take half of the money I'd be able to put away to try and get back up on my feet again.

Another idea would be to put it in a children's bank account where you are the only trustee. But honestly given this circumstance, I'd look to how you can effectively remove this from the marital pot split and have it out of consideration. PP have suggested some ideas (cash, relatives etc).

By this point will the divorce be finalised - if not - could you be "paying" your mum and dad rent from your savings.

I would convert your secret cash savings into vouchers /gift cards so you can access it quickly. I believe that Amazon for example have an expiry date of 5 years time and if I was a family member I would happily look after gift cards for you.

Get a trusted friend. Take cash back everytime you go to the supermarket. Give it to a friend for them to save.

I did this for a friend who was in a massively abusive relationship. In about 12 months she saved £2000. It's a drop in the ocean to how much she had to spend on solicitors etc. but once it was all done that £2k massively helped her kickstart her life with her DD.

I'd be spending it. As others have said, buy other people's shopping, get cash back or gift vouchers with it and then keep the vouchers/cash safe.
If it is moved to another account , it will still be in the marital pot