28, divorced with two kids. Is there any hope for me to move on?

[libwegoagain]

I've found no shortage of men who want to sleep with me, but I am so fearful I'll never find anyone who wants more than that. I have two kids and I split 50/50 custody with my ex, so I have 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next without them, I put my absolute all into my kids on my days but there is a lot of time I don't get to spend with them.

I'm still relatively young for now, I take care of myself, I think I'm attractive and funny, I'm good at conversation. But any man my age or a few years older has their pick of women who don't already have two kids to another man. My ex husband was 18 years older than me and it's a massive thing for me to not ever ever choose that again. I don't want anyone more than 4 years older ideally. I feel like there's no hope for me.

You sound lonely…

There is hope, but why do you have to have a partner to fulfil that hope.

Do you have any hobbies? Do you have friends? What do you do when your children are not with you?

I have the best friends who literally rallied around me this last year. I couldn't have better people in my life. I spend a lot of time with them, I have my own interests, I love my job. I'm just sadly not one of those people who left my marriage feeling like I would rather be alone. I feel like I've never had a romantic, normal marriage/relationship, mine was a much more negative power dynamic situation. I so crave it.

Of course you will find someone else - you are still super young. You will presumably want a man who likes children so your children will weed out the undesirables.

There are lots of blended families these days. And you definitely don't need to even engage with men who just want sex.

Of course you will. I think blended families are so commonplace these days.

I'd not be so rigid in your age though. Only four years older will restrict you. Just try to relax and see what happens. Love will find you

I spent 11 years with my ex and honestly feel like I missed out on ever being with someone the same age as me and in the same stages of life. It's really important to me to have that next time. I want a healthy, equal relationship with someone who I can actually relate to so badly I feel like I ache for it!

I had a similar thing married an older man at 20 we had 2 children. Split up when I was 26.
I was so exhausted by that relationship that I was not looking to start a new one for a long time. A year later I met my current partner at a community event. Completely different relationship, no control of over me, similar interests and even now we talk about what it was like “when we were at school”. We were from similar era.

You will meet someone, you just need to get out and about, go to places you like and enjoy so you meet like minded people.

I was divorced at 25 with 4 kids at 36 I met my now husband, I'm now 48 we're still very happily married.

I was in your situation at 29, ex-h was also a fair bit older than me (12 years). I remember him telling me I'd never find anyone else as no one would want "another man's baggage". He was wrong. I had a couple of relationships but the DC always came first. Then I got remarried, to someone who didn't have kids yet. It turned out that that person didn't cope well with not being the centre of the world and we are now divorced. The time I spent in that relationship adversely affected my DCs' wellbeing.

Blended families can and do work, but more often I see very difficult situations for the kids, who didn't ask to be in that position and have no say in it. I'd take any new relationship extremely slowly.