Ashamed

[Biscuitsaregone]

Name changed for this.
My husband left me Nov 2021 and the divorce was finalized around 18 months ago. I have two kids 10 and 13, and I'm late 40s.
Mostly I'm ok but the shame follows me around.
I saw an old uni housemate today in a store with two of his kids. I sneaked out before he could see me and I'd have to explain (he and his wife came to my wedding)
I'm skipping a university reunion this year for similar reasons. I can't face it.
Divorce has left me feeling smaller and 'less-than'
I see myself as a strong woman who manages well. But I can't shake this shame.

Sorry you feel that way.
you shouldnt feel ashamed though, and you certainly arent less than anything or anyone!

i used to feel ashamed for being a single mum with two kids with two men now i couldnt care less. Just keep being a great mum!

What is you’re ashamed about?

marriage’s breakdown. It’s part of life. People grow, change, lie, cheat, sometimes just life takes a different direction through its events.

families come in all shapes and sizes.

and being quite frank. No one cares.

you’ll bump into someone , they’ll ask how you both are, you’ll say you don’t know as you are no longer today, they’ll say, sorry to hear that. Then the conversation moves on.

I think you need to do it once or twice so you can let go of it

I don't know what you're ashamed of... Sorry if that is blunt.

You can't be ashamed of:
-teaching your children not to stay in an unhappy relationship
-building a life and home with your children on your own. You are strong and powerful.
-for being brave, so brave to push through the hard times, like a divorce
-for being strong.
-for building a support network that doesn't revolve around a partner who didn't fulfil you

I actually think parents doing it on their own deserve more recognition. Their/my children do not come from a broken home. Stayinf in that relationship with their dad was broken. By doing it on our own we create a warm, loving home with a safe atmosphere and we teach them not to settle for a shite relationship because we are too scared to be alone.

You shouldn't be ashamed. You've been through it and need to speak kindly to yourself and realise that a relationship not working out is not a failing on you.

If I get asked one more time when I'm going to start dating I'm going to slap them. Because right now I am happily single and not dealing with relationship drama (just ex drama) which has been great. Be proud of yourself. If you think carefully you've achieved a lot today alone, never mind over the last three years. And you've done it as a strong woman.

This is an old thread but I've just started a new thread along the same lines with very little response so far. How are doing now op? I am about to start the process and I'm already feeling a lot of shame. From what I can see some people seem to move on much easier whilst others take a while to change things (actually start the process) and then feel particularly strong emotions like shame around it.

BookArt interesting and useful response. I'm going to re-read it.

Oh I so feel for you. I felt this once. I feel the absolute opposite now.
I think you should go for counselling, confront and face these feelings of shame, question them, deal with them and be freed from them. You can absolutely do this.