Separating financially

[bosqueverde]

Reader for a while, time to ask for your experience.

I separated from my wife a year ago; she bought a flat with money inherited from her family, which is where she lives now. I live in what used to be our family home, with our two DDs, both disabled (autistic) young adults.

In a year some things have changed and others stalled. My EW struggles with mental health (always did), and I don't wish to make it awful by splitting unfairly or speeding decisions. But immobility is going to become a problem.

I give figures below but my main question is this: Because of their autism it would be better to not sell up and move my DDs from the house they know. At the same time, I cannot afford to buy back my EW's half share. So I am considering becoming tenants in common with her - which would allow her to sell / me to buy fractions of the house - and through that obtain some of the value that otherwise is hers in theory.

Questions:

• Anyone has had experience of this?
• Did it work? If it did, for how long? If not, what became a problem?
• Assuming everyone is honest... What to watch out for? And assuming funny games get played... What avoids them?

For completeness, here are some numbers etc. At the moment there is (all numbers ball park):

• A house, which we jointly own and where I live with our DDs, £340,000
• A flat, which she owns and was bought from her inheritance £170,000
• My pension rights (very much ball park) £340,000
• There are assets and my EW's pension rights but they do not add up to a lot.

Some things that we have said informally, though informal is always subject to change as we think:

• Until now, I have given her maintenance, £850ppm, which is close to 1/3 of my earnings
• She says she is not interested in a share of my pension rights
• I am not interested in her flat

What are your incomes?

It's not usual for maintenance to be paid to an ex who does not have care of any children, unless your salary is huge, and then only for a limited time until they can increase earnings etc.

Your assets need to be properly assessed as part of the divorce - she is adequately housed so would not require that additional expense out of the marital 'pot'. You have dependents (albeit adult) living with you so have additional costs etc, it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask for a larger 'share' of the pot. Your pension is a HUGE asset and may be worth considerably more once it's value is assessed fully. If you are not in a position to buy her out she may be persuaded to take on a chunk of your pension, though this will obviously be deferred so could ask for a bigger chunk. Courts like clean breaks with zero ongoing connections and liabilities, to protect both partners.

You need proper legal advice. You can't afford not to.