What would you do? I am traumatised !

[MellowMoose]

Hi all, I am really looking for some advise becase I am completely traumatised.

I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years and we have 2 beautiful kids together. The kids are young, both under 5 but of course they take a lot of my attention when they are at home. - He is saying that we dont spend enough time together nowadays.

I have always trusted my husband, i honestly thought we are in this for life and that we would both never look at anyone else. He is a very family oriented man as well so this is compltely out of character and its not like him at all.

I have had about 3 occassions (messages on his phone) over the years where I have questioned his loyalty a little but on both those occassions nothing really come out of it all and we have moved on.

Recently, i have seen some extremely inapproriate messages between him and another woman suggesting he should go over to her (he is saying thats not what the message was saying even though it was written down in front of my eyes... wtf!!!!) or take her to the cinema and that she should join his birthday that him and the boys will celebrate. I have never knew about this birthday weekend so his motive wasnt for me to be there even though he says it was.

I have contacted this girl who we will call Mary for the sake of this post. Mary texted me back on whatsapp and told me they had met on a fesival (slim chance for him to have gone there and I would have known normally) and Mary said that after the festival they have met up and slept together. (My husband is saying they had met in a club but they were talking in June on whatsapp (disappearing messages) and again i would know if he had gone to a club on a normal day.

I have completely broken into pieces and I really dont know what to do. I would never want my kids to grow up in a broken home but I also dont want to stay if I find out that he had actually slept with this woman.

I almost feel like would he deny it even if I had seen picture evidences... He was saying I had made a mistake by reaching out to her and taking this out of the house.. Is it because she had told me the truth?

Whats your thoughts? I am completely broken hearted, I have not been myself since and my life has completely turned upside down.

He has been very assuring but that doesnt mean anything to me right now.

He has reason to lie, does she?

I'm sorry. Sounds like your relationship is over. He's not trustworthy and has betrayed you. You have e not created a broken home, his selfish choices have done that.

Unfortunately I don't think you have much choice other than (a) ignore, carry on at the risk of breaking yourself over his poor behaviour, or (b) start to think about prioritising yourself and the kids and what your future might look like without him.

Sorry...

Assume that he's lying, he will be. You'll never get any truth or honesty out of him.

Think about what you want? Focus on what you want and take steps to achieve your goals.

Your home is broken he broke it. Your dc will pick up on your trauma.
Move on.

I'm so sorry.

He's lying to you.

Your relationship as you know it, is over.

Whether you decide to have a fresh start or stick with him and try and forget this, is something only you can decide.

I chose the former when I was in your position, as one a liar, always a liar.

I cant imagine my life without him and I am so scared that I will have to be selfish and make a tough decision. Even sleeping with him recently just felt so different, I cant stop thinking what he may have done. How will I ever be able to trust him again...

The only reason why Mary would have lied is if she would have known about me and wnated to ruin what we had. She didnt even know he was my husband and told me she had no reason to lie..

She had also messaged him "It is what it is. The truth is I would only settle down if a man comes and sweeps me off my feet" - As if he has been leading her on. Of course he had said that he didnt even understand why had she sent that message.. I wouldnt think he would want to be with another woman but I would think he may have gotten a bit bored and wanted some excitement.

You won't ever be able to trust him again.

It's not selfish to value your morals and self respect more than your broken marriage to a lying cheater.