Am I safer financially getting divorced or staying married after 10 years separated?

[MorrowTreasure]

So this really. Ex is abusive- emotionally, verbally. I haven’t applied for a divorce through fear of his reaction and behaviour and I’m also worried he’d try and to make it so complicated it would be more expensive. I’m on a very low income and he is unemployed.
I don’t know whether it’s safer to just stay married or not, this has been my worry for so many years. I’d love to be divorced and rid of him but I also need to protect what assets I have for our kids. He doesn’t pay any maintenance or anything for them. I own my property and did before the marriage. He hasn’t paid anything towards the property but I think he can still make a claim to it?
Is there a way of getting a divorce without being open to a lot of abuse and complications from him? He would definitely relish using it as a way of making things hard for me.

Can I claim my flat as a non matrimonial asset as was bought after separation? And the house we lived in for the marriage I had bought previously to the marriage-in my name only with no financial help from him. The marriage was only a year long in such as living together before separation. I’m not clear on his rights what he could claim from me. He has a council flat paid for with benefits.

You need legal advice.

He has a claim on your assets but less of a claim if you house the DC full time and it was a short marriage IF you can evidence the separation date.

I think financially better to divorce whilst DC under 16 otherwise he may divorce you to come after the assets once they are adults.

Yes I have the children full time. And yes I have evidence somewhere of his tenancy agreement/electoral register being elsewhere a year after our marriage. And both children are under 16.

I just wonder if better to not risk losing my home, savings and pension to him after years of abuse and no financial anything from him? I think in his current state he won’t think to make a claim but obviously could change in the future I suppose.

How much equity would there be. How much would he realistically get? The marriage itself was only a year but were you living together before that?

Its probably worth speaking to a solicitor to get a good idea of what he could get and then pointing out to him any issues it could cause if he's getting benefits

The problem is he might decide to claim it himself one day. You really need legal advice. If you'd done it straight away it would have been a very short marriage which often results in both parties keeping what they bought into the relationship. It's more complex now. I'd hope you could show it was a short marriage and that would count but I've seen people say ex has come back and claimed more years later because there was no clean break agreement. It gets more of a grey area too as the kids get older. If you can in any way get the money together, Id get all your proof and write down a time line for the relationship including before marriage together and see a lawyer, they should be able to give you a reasonable idea in an hour appointment. I know how hard it is with abuse, currently got my head in the sand about sorting the finances because it's frankly terrifyingly. I'm sorry you're in this position, it's so shirty after going through everything to then have to deal with this.

You need to prioritise sorting this else it's likely in the future that you have to give him more than if you divorce now.

Everything will be worth more - house equity, pension and you won't be housing children.

You need legal advice, as surely as you are still married legally, you're credit score will still be linked to him, any loans he takes out etc

I have 100% equity as bought my house outright before the marriage and indeed before I even met him. That’s why I feel worried about protecting it as my only asset.

I’m just worried about him ruining me financially now whilst I’m bringing up the kids as opposed to him potentially coming after me later down the line when it’s just me to worry about.

You need to get proper legal advice.

I would divorce him. It was a short marriage that ended ten years ago. He could pursue a financial order, but it would be worse for you to die and for him to inherit 50% assuming you have no will.

Definitely get legal advice regarding the finance side but you'll feel better in yourself once you're completely free of him.
I was in a similar situation and it took me about 11 years in the end from separating to sorting out assets. In my case, I got to keep the house I bought before we had married. He had never contributed to it and I could prove it. It was also a very short marriage.
It was some time ago now though, and things may have changed legally. In the end though I decided I'd rather end up with nothing than have the weight of being married to him dragging me down for any longer. It worked out well for me though and I hope it does for you too

Do it sooner rather than later. If he does something and loses his tenancy, he can come after you. Whilst he is housed, the risk is far lower. You do need legal advice for the financial settlement side of things.

Also do a will without one if you die first he gets the first £322k and half the remainder above that the kids just get the other half of that remainder. As a spouse he could make a claim on the estate but at least he wouldn’t get it automatically.

Lawyer up.

First thing is to make a will leaving all your sole name assets to the kids. Then sort the divorce too. With such a short marriage the you may find it's not as terrible as you may imagine.